Mum knows best

a bride and bridegroom, at their wedding night.

The couple are in their bridal suite. The curtains are drawn and only the light of the bedside table is on, casting a soft glow in the otherwise gloomy bedroom. Red and white rose petals are scattered on the floor and on the bed. A nice touch by the housekeeper. Soft music is playing, coming out of the built-in stereo system: “baby, baby, baby, oooooh…” Oh well, more apt than King Crimson’s “Epitaph”, I suppose. The groom, gel on his comb-over, in his brand new suit and shiny black shoes, is sitting on the edge of the armchair by the dressing mirror. He’s playing with the end of his navy-blue tie, twirling it around his index finger, a smile on his lips, lost in a dream of his own.

 

The bride is sitting in the king size bed, dressed in her night gown, legs covered by the satin duvet, the cleavage of the night dress is threatening to split and offload its enormous load. She’s been to the bathroom earlier and got rid of all the layers of make-up, looking much more human but, let’s face it, less beautiful. The heady scent of her Chanel n. 5 is permeating the room. She’s twirling a lock of hair around her middle finger. She, too, is smiling and looking at her brand new husband in his brand new clothes, with lowered lids, Marylin-Monrow style. They’ve been sitting that way for nearly half an hour. The bride is starting to fidget. Who would blame her? Any other girl would be climbing walls by now.

“Honey..”, croaks the bride, then she tries again

“Honey, aren’t you coming to bed?”

The bridegroom bristles then turns to her, wide-eyed, and replies

“Are you nuts? Mum told me this was going to be the best night of my life and you want me to go to bed?”

 

 

Reviews

[Beccy]

Should have listened to his dad instead. :-)

Beccy.

[Woody]

hahahahahaha. you are amazing! you come out with the perfect come back.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahahaah you rock Sir Engluva .I always anticipate reading your work.You never fail to make me laugh.Another brilliantly penned write :)

[Woody]

thanks dear Vid. happy to oblige :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome sir :)

[Great Aunt Astri]

OH, this made me laugh. It is really funny how language can lead to misunderstandings! I love the way you work on this. I don't suppose his Mum told him about the birds and bees. I dread to think what he would have made of that!

[Woody]

lol Oh my! this is English humour.
the birds and bees. now why haven't I thought of that?
read morelol Oh my! this is English humour.
the birds and bees. now why haven't I thought of that?
come to think of it, I've used that in another short story. "Clever Little Susie" if you have time.

[redflutterby]

Lmao...silly groom. I feel sorry for the bride!! ;-)

[Woody]

well she'll have to tell him about the birds and bees :)

[Samuel Dickens]

This reminds me of one of my dad's tales, in which the bashful and perhaps dumb groom sat up all night listening to the radio instead of performing his husbandly duties. Nice writing.

[Woody]

thank you very much Samuel. you've just made me laugh with your review.
listening to the radio hahaha. the poor man must've been putting off the ordeal.

[Marie]

It used to be a man's duty to instruct his bride in what she should know. In this case, the bride must instruct the bridgroom.

[Woody]

yeah the world on its head. but it's his mum's fault, right? she should've been more explicit.

[roarke]

mum raised a b**b.....but, let's not be judgmental....

[Woody]

hahaha I'm laughing as I'm typing this, Bill.