The little girl and the wolf

the real, uncensored story of the little girl and the wolf

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived with her mother in a tiny little cottage. The cottage was at the edge of a village, which was at the edge of a forest. Her name was Amanda but everybody called her Little Blue Riding Dress, on account of the lovely frilly dress she was often seen in. 

Her father, named Sam Thingarotha, had died two years before she was born. He had fallen off a tree and broke his watch. While he was going to the shop to repair it, he was run over by the milkman’s horse-drawn cart. The watch was beyond repair. Lucky for Sam, his wife had another watch which she gave to him on his 34^th birthday. Later, that same year, he died peacefully in his sleep.

One day, on returning from school, the little girl found her mother decorating a chocolate cake.

“Oh, Mum!! Yummy!” squealed the girl with delight.

“Sorry, honey, this is for Granny”, said the mother, licking chocolate off her finger. “I’ll make you another one when you come back, I promise. Now, go change”.

Crestfallen, the girl went to her room and put on her blue dress. A knock was heard on the entrance door and Betty ran and opened it.

“MUUUUM”, she yelled, “the milkman’s here, will you pay him or shall I go out and play?”

Her mother came out of the kitchen, drying her hand on a towel.

“I’ll take care of that, honey, now you run along”.

She put the cake in a basket and cautioned her daughter:

“Now, remember darling, don’t waste time and don’t talk to the animals in the forest. Certainly not the wolf. He’s a sneaky creature and I don’t trust him one bit”.

“I know, Mum”, responded the girl, “how many times do you have to tell me that?”

“I’m sorry, Sugar, but I always worry whenever you cross that forest”.

“Mummy, it’s only a forest”, protested the girl, “and I’m almost 9”.

“Off with you!”, said the mother impatiently before she turned to the milkman. She gave him her best come-hither smile.

And off went the little girl, skipping as only little girls knew how. As Soon as she arrived at the forest, the birds greeted her and the butterflies flitted around her head and alighted on her shoulders. All the animals of the forest loved her as she was nice to them. Badgers, squirrels, skunks and even snakes liked to talk to her and play with her. Someone whistle and she turned around. A wolf was leaning against the trunk of a pine tree, filing his nails, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth.

“So, where’s the cute little girl going, then?” he said with a lopsided grin.

“what’s it to you?” retorted the girl.

“Oh, come now, I asked you nicely. I’m only trying to make conversation”, he said, feigning to be hurt.

“I’m taking a cake to Grandma”, she replied and carried on walking.

“And where does your Grandma live, might one ask?” he said, trailing her.

“By the big sequoia, near the old water tower”, she answered without looking at him.

Seeming to suddenly lose interest, the wolf told her:

“Well have fun with Grandma” and slunk away. He knew the forest inside out, so he took a short cut, crossed a brook and ran all the way to the old lady’s cottage. Wolves can run fast when they are in a hurry.

The encounter with the wolf messed up the girl’s mood. She lost interest in the games with the animals and hurried to her Grandma’s. When she arrived, she saw that the door stood ajar, so she pushed it with her pudgy little fingers and, stepping inside, she called out:

“Granny! It’s me. I brought you a ca..”

In her Grandma’s bed, a wolf was sitting in a night gown, thick glasses perched on his nose and a night cap on his head.

Now even in a nightgown and a cap, a wolf does not look anymore like your grandmother than Simba looks like Beyonce.

In a flash, the girl dipped her hand in her pocket and whipped out a Smith & Wesson 2213, which she pointed at the head of the interloper with a steady hand. The wolf’s jaw sagged and his fangs didn’t look threatening anymore..

“Heeey”, he said, alarmed, “that’s not how the story goes! You’re supposed to ask m..”

“Yeah, I’ve read the story, too, Moron”, she answered and shot him between the eyes. When the noise of the detonation died down, she heard muffled sounds coming from the closet. She ran and jerked the door open. She found her grandma on the floor, hogtied and gagged. She was only wearing a beige brassiere. The girl untied her, dressed her and took her to the kitchen. She made some tea, cut the cake and they sat there eating the cake, sipping the tea and talking. The kitchen window was open and the breeze carried their laughter well into the forest.

“Come on, Cutie-Pie”, said the old lady after a moment, “let’s get that thing outa my bed”.

Amanda took hold of the hind legs and her grandma grabbed the forepaws and they half carried, half dragged the dead beast out. They went ONE, TWO, THREE! And dumped him on top of the sixteen dead wolves rotting in the backyard.

Little Blue Riding Dress returned home and recounted the events of her day to her mother. Just an ordinary day. And they lived happily ever after.

Moral of the story: It’s not so easy to fool little girls, nowadays.

Reviews

[Jacob Clifford]

This was gold, from start to finish. The "father" (something or other, yes? :D), and his hilarious, elongated death. The mother and her milkman shenanigans. And I did a spit take when the little girl whipped out her gun. And then the pile of wolf corpses and that final line... Brilliant.

[Woody]

thanks heaps Cliff for such a generous review. I'm mighty happy you liked it. the name? spot on!
read morethanks heaps Cliff for such a generous review. I'm mighty happy you liked it. the name? spot on!
I had fun writing it and was hoping it 'd please the readers. thanks again.

[Jacob Clifford]

Was that it for the review, or did the Cafe cut off the end? I know sometimes when there's a "read more" at the bottom of the review, it just got eaten by the website.

[Woody]

yes Cliff the site does that sometimes, unfortunately. I think I said something like: I had fun writing it and hoped readers will equally enjoy it.

[Will Neill]

Woody, As promised I have read your story. I great take on the ''Fairy Tale'' you made this all your own as usual (still with the font?) I got the Sam Thingarother, good play on words. You never fail to make me laugh.
Nice one.
Will

[Woody]

thank you so much Will. I'm grinning while typing this. sorry about the font but this is an old one. I promise the next ones will be better. you wait. I'm particularly happy you got the name. you're the first to remark on it (!!??)

[Will Neill]

possibly because I read it in full.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol this is sooooo good .It is true thankfully that little girls are way wiser now especially since they read the story already.I loved this it made me laugh :)

[Woody]

haha thanks heaps, Vid. I thought it was high time little children read the true version. it had been censored far too long :)

[Vidya Bacchus]

Very true my friend.You are so very welcome :)

[roarke]

Smooth and breezy, which is exactly how a fairy tale such as this should go. Write more on the milkman and momma.... maybe underneath that pile of wolf carcasses, there'a a milkman or two...eh?

[Woody]

your reviews always make me laugh, Bill. I swear you have a wonderful sense of humour. yeah who knows what's underneath those carcasses?
thank you for your visit.

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

I like this story a great deal. It is fresh and fun. I am delighted by your wit.

[Woody]

thanks a million. much appreciated.

[Rachelle]

I think I am going to visit your account often, Engluva….
Very witty!

[Woody]

awww! I'm so humbled. Thank you Rachelle.

[speckledbyrd]

Bravo. I actually freaked my roommate out because I was giggling at the screen so much. Thanks for that:)

[Woody]

you're most welcome, Speck. Glad you liked it and thank you for taking the time :)

[lissalovesyou]

Loved it! I was already enjoying it, but then "dumped him on top of the sixteen dead wolves rotting in the backyard" brought a whole new twist.
lissalovesyou:)

[Woody]

Thanks Lissa lissa for taking the time :)

[Marie]

Very good. I feel that this was totally your own orginal idea, and I really like that.

“Come on, Cutie-Pie”, said the old lady after a moment, “let’s get that thing outa by bed”.(I think you meant "my" instead of "by". I only mention this because your work is usually free of errors.