Dewy gets married

A guy is getting married. No big deal.

At long last! They’re finally alone in their wedding suite. Everything went according to plan. Just like clockwork, the way Dewy likes it; the way he used to manage his clock factory before he retired.

The church service was a happy, though quiet, event. Family and friends. Well, the ones still alive. Not surprisingly as Dewy is now 83 years old, so at least some of his acquaintances have already shuffled their mortal coils.

“Dewy Rebawls, do you take this woman to be thy wedded wife, to cherish and to love till death do you part?”

Dewy swallowed the lump that threatened to take residence in his throat and said: “I do.”

“Nancy Lee Broad, do you take this man to be Thy wedded husband, to cherish and to love till death do you part?”

Nancy didn’t answer immediately and Dewy’s heart did a somersault.

“Please, do not back up now”, he implored in his head.

“I do”, replied Nancy with a flutter of her luscious black eyelashes.

Yes, the service went quite well. The walk down the aisle, the petals and rice throwing, the cute little girls holding the bridal veil. Even the priest’s sermon was refreshing, if a tad unusual.

“Dearly beloved”, he kicked off, “Marriage is an honorable estate. And it is not to be taken lightly and wantonly to satisfy man’s carnal lust. Although that’s a pretty good reason…”

Later, everybody filed out of the church, jumped in their cars, well, a manner of speaking, hobbled, more like, and headed for the reception that would be held in Bart’s garden. A local band was going at it full throttle. Dewy had wanted to bring Michael Jackson but his friends explained that Michael was probably doing the moonwalk with the saints up there. To cut a long story short, everybody got drunk and ate like pigs. The only fly in the ointment was when old Ms Ruth Lesspuss insisted on skinny-dipping in the empty swimming pool, after drinking fifteen glasses of sangria.

Now, Dewy is looking at his bride adoringly. He’s sitting in bed, in his underwear, ready for action. His wife is sitting in front of the mirror, wiping off her makeup. She’s taking her sweet time, prolonging the agony. She delicately removes her false lashes. She takes her denture and puts it in a glass of water. Then off with her contact lenses and her beautiful wig. “Oh Lord!” thinks Dewy. Truth be told, she’s not completely bald, so let’s not dramatize.

With as much calm as he could muster, Dewy tells her:

“Honey, when you get to the part I’m interested in, would you please toss it over here?”

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I love the image of ole ruthless puss dancing naked in the dry pool! And your punchline is hilarious. You used the perfect leisurely pace in getting to the "goods"! This scenario doesn't need to be limited to old folks, tho . . . these days, so many young women make themselves up using completely fake parts!

[Woody]

you're right, B. surgery seems to be the normal thing these days. actresses, singers... fake b***s, fake lips...
though I feel sad for them, knowing they need to stave off the ravages of old age for as long as they can, I also think it's a shame. we can grow old with dignity and shouldn't be ashamed of what we become. haha I'm glad you got the Ruth. but I'm afraid I overdid it here. Dewy and Nancy have silly names too :(
here's an armful of thanks ( ) for digging this old one up.

[barleygirl]

OK, you've pressed me into this confession . . . I couldn't quite get Dewy's full name ('ri" is what's drawing a blank for me) . . . and I didn't get Nancy's name at all!

[Woody]

I confess I do get a kick out of baffling the reader. sometimes :)
Nancy Lee Broad/ Nan silly broad
mmm the "ri" might've been a mistake. I should've spelt it "re". Dew weary balls :(((((

[barleygirl]

Sorry, I refuse to give up the image of dewy balls in my mind . . . *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

understandable really. he's 83, right? not that I've seen any, mind.

[barleygirl]

Oh crap . . . I forgot the age . . . you just HAD to crush my fantasy for today, huh? *smile*

[Woody]

listen I've just had an image in my mind. you familiar with the toy called Clackers or clankers or maybe Ker-bangers? when I get old (many years from now) I won't throw them away. I'll use them as clackers and play with them when I'm not writing silly things here.

[barleygirl]

I think there might be a poem in the image you just painted! *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

haha care to take a quick peek at Free at Last? very short.

[Tom]

An indeed, though the body may be weak the spirit remains forever willing and old Dewy was not going to be denied his privilege despite the obvious flaws & pitfalls !

Another ' cracker ' Woody !

Ps. I normally avoid long stories or prolonged chapters when I see them on the WC site here, but you have the ability to tell a great yearn within a few short paragraphs and that's what makes you unique and an enjoyable talent to read & review !

[Woody]

thank you ever so much Tom for your kind words. as for Dewy Ribawls (Dew wearyballs, in case you haven't noticed) was looking forward to that magic moment and indeed had his mind set on one thing only. the woman could fall apart for all he cared :)

[Samuel Dickens]

Perhaps they only had one set of dentures, and he wanted to use them to eat crackers? Haaaaa! No, I think there might've been some other article with more appeal. Do you know where they sell those?

[Woody]

nail clippers? Walmart, I believe.
thanks for the visit Sam.

[Vidya Bacchus]

Hahaha would you behave.I get Miss ruth, but am I missing any others?

[lissalovesyou]

Haha! I still like your funny side better!
lissalovesyou:)

[Woody]

thank you Lissa. I'll take that as a compliment.

[Will Neill]

Engluva,ha!,loved it great story with a good punch line,well done.
Will

[Woody]

awfully nice of you to say so, Will.

[Marie]

You're a great story writer Engluva. I believe you can write poetry, but these wonderful little stories are your strong poing.

[Woody]

I'm happy and truly humbled that an American lady, and a writer to boot, thinks that of me.
THANK YOU.

[Marie]

It doesn't matter than I'm an American. It matters that I'm an experience writer, and I know good writing when I see it.

[Woody]

I've posted a few titbits on Facebook but didn't seem to attract the right crowd. I felt so frustrated. Then I discovered WC and had native speakers read my "silly" stories and make compliments. I'm glad I stumbled upon this site. and I'm honoured I met people like you.

[Marie]

It takes patience and perserverence to attract attention, but it can be done.