Eve

a secret you never suspected about Eve!

What do you know about Eve, our illustrious ancestor? Next to nothing, right? There were no computers, at the time. No tape recorders. Not even a damn pencil! So all we can do is conjecture. She must’ve been a good housewife, though. She probably could cook, otherwise Adam, God rest his soul would’ve starved to death and where would you be then? Probably writhing under the mud or lurking in the depths of the ocean with a multitude of wriggling tiny legs sticking out of your body, wondering what the hell you were doing there. But it’s neither here nor there. Silly expression, if you ask me. If it’s neither here nor there, where the hell would it be? But I digress. The information I wanted to pass on to you, today, is this: Eve, or Mrs Adam, as everybody used to call her at the time, was an extremely jealous woman. Now, hold on! Stop your head shaking! I got this bit of information straight from the horse’s mouth and, sorry, can’t tell you who. I’ve got to protect my horse… errr.. source. I have to admit it sounds a bit far-fetched. I, myself, was sceptical at first until my source, who was lying on the bed by my side, at the time, after she put the kids to bed, gave me the undisputable proof of her allegations. Apparently, every night she goes to bed (or pad, I suppose) next to Adam and after the usual cooing and kissing and the “you’re-my-favourite-man-in-the-whole-world” rubbish, she surreptitiously counts his ribs. Now, how sneaky can that be? Did Adam use to rummage through her things or tail her when she goes for a walk in Eden? I don’t think so. Everybody knows he was the perfect gentlemen. After all, who was responsible for their eviction from heaven? Who lured whom to eat that accursed apple? And because of that, look where we are! Granted, we have the internet and Facebook and WritersCafe and planes and stuff but, still, had it not been for her, we’d all be living up there in heaven without a care in the world. Although, come to think of it, how would I be able to waste your time and give you a headache with my ramblings and c**k-and-bull stories without WritersCafe??    

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is a delightful piece of nonsense! Just what's needed in our crazy world with everyone trying to come up with something intelligent or analytical to say about things. It's so refreshing to just stick to the basics, as you always do. This story is pretty much c**k-and-bull as you so astutely concluded. But thru-out, your brilliant asides are at an all-time high of playful witty-ness . . .
* I love the contrast between our current world of technology, inserted into this tale of simpler times.
* I love the imagination of suggesting we'd be creepy crawlers, had it not been for Eve's contribution.
* Love the "neither here nor there" diatribe, which is so spot on.
* Love "protect my horse . . . I mean source" . . . too witty to fathom!
* Love the bedtime ritual described so sarcastically tongue-in-cheek (or tongue wherever!)

You are truly childlike at heart & that's what this world is sorely missing so much of the time. I applaud you for sticking to your tried-and-true silly roots and worms and centipedes (((HUGS)))

[Woody]

I am so happy you liked this old one. one I chose not to include in the collection I published. I thought it was not good enough. now, I'm beginning to regret that decision.
thanks loads, B. (((H)))

[Ananya]

:)............I like it. The idea of counting ribs :)

[Woody]

haha thank you ananya. glad you like it. yes, I suppose counting ribs is as good a way as any to find out if your partner is cheating on you :)

[Valentine]

I kinda like all of your bull stories. But Eve wasn't the guilty one. Adam had just finished the green salad she had picked for him and was still hungry...like most guys are and he bit into that apple. That is how he got his Adams apple! Valentine

[Woody]

thank you very much indeed Valentine for checking out one of my first posts here.
it stands to reason that women stick together but I have my doubts as to the one responsible for our present predicament :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

Engluva, You have a really good command of English, and it sounds funny and whimsical (which I love), but I think it would benefit by separating into paragraphs and dialog statements. It would make for easier reading, Also...there are some places that I would put commas...like after "So (comma) all we can do is conjecture." and after "...God rest his soul (comma)..." Although somewhat subjective, comma usage helps the reader understand the whole coherent thought better.

Furthermore, the sentence "Probably writhing in the mud or lurking in the depths of the ocean with a multitude of wiggling tiny legs sticking out of your body..." needs a subject. I know this is a creative writing piece, and most people don't pay attention to grammatical correctness, it distracts me from the purpose of the piece if I see obvious violations of rules of basic written English. (Although, I admit to being a compulsive bore...that's how I see it) I hope this helps. Overall, I thought you wrote it very well and it was engaging. Keep writing!

[Woody]

Thanks a million, Anne, for taking the trouble. My main problem is that I get carried away and hardly ever read before publishing. I promise I'll be more careful in the future. Glad you like it :)

[Bright Ocean Star]

I did. Thank you. :)

[Marie]

Paradise would not be paradise without computers.

Also, if Eve hadn't transgressed, there would have been no human kind, only Adam and Eve living forever in Eden...

[Woody]

there's a woman after my own heart. what would life be like without computers? and thank you, Eve, for transgressing. Keep on transgressing, ladies. You're making life so much fun.

[Chloe]

I honestly don't get the point of the tree's existence. I mean, wasn't there a better way for god to test them? It's fruit that literally increases your awareness. It's a bit shady if you ask me.

[Woody]

I know what you mean. So many shady areas and I, frankly, don't know what to belive anymore so I don't dwell on it. less hassle.

[Rana]

Firstly, Eve being the first women on earth did'nt have to cook since she (and Adam) lived in a forest (Eden) and they ate fruits, roots and stuff raw. Even after the discovery of fire, salt and spice were'nt discovered. Thing is, you are wrong about her being a good cook. Secondly, she was not a jealous women and was pious.