Beetle

thwated kill

Yesterday, as is my habit after eating, I found myself aimlessly strolling in the house, trying to walk off the roast chicken I’d had for lunch and checking the rooms for intruders. I may sound paranoid but, to me, security of the home is paramount. 

Prudence was sleeping upstairs and you could tell the kids were at school from the blissful peace and quiet that permeated the whole place. The only noise I could hear was the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall and the regular hum of the fridge in the kitchen. I’d just finished my tour and was about to go take a shuteye when I saw this huge beetle lurking by the entrance door. Hairs stood on my nape. Now, I know I’m not squeamish or anything but I simply cannot abide those creepy crawlies with their multiple legs and black carapaces. Makes you wonder why God, in his infinite wisdom, created those abhorrent creatures. Without a second thought, I pounced on the stupid critter, intending to crush it to a pulp when, all of a sudden, little Jude's yellow submarine toy hit me on the back of my head and Mother Mary (Prudence’s mother) yelled from the kitchen door:

“Let it be!”

I never got on well with the woman and I, for one, am sick and tired of her tirades about how all life is sacred on this earth. She then strode into the hall, bent down and wagged her finger at me and said in that irritating voice of hers that she uses when talking to little children:

“Bad boy! I told you once if I told you a thousand times not to mess up the place with dead insects. Go out now, shoo!”

I didn’t say a word. What’s the use? I tucked my tail between my hind legs and, head low, slunk out to the garden. 

Author's Note

try to find the references to five known songs. no swearing if you can't, please.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Well, okay then . . . BEATLES' songs: YESTERDAY, DEAR PRUDENCE, HEY JUDE, & YELLOW SUBMARINE. Then there's LET IT BE (featuring Mother Mary) . . . whew! I actually got this puzzle and I haven't even had my 2nd cup of coffee yet! (It's still quite dark outside for another hour at least!)

The beetle crushing idea reminds me of my experience volunteering in animal shelters for 6 years. I felt like a fraud as an animal lover, becuz these rabid staff members would carry live insects & rodents outside to release them live!!! Not me. My big dilemma is that I hate the sensation of crushing as much as I hate seeing the creatures crawling around.

Thank you for the brain tease . . . I'm almost awake now.

[Woody]

spot on, clever girl! :)
I think we are alike in that I'm quite squeamish when it comes to killing those horrible creatures. BRRR! see the goosebumps? but I can't abide them.
thanks a bunch, B.
dark outside? you're an early riser!

[barleygirl]

Restless dogs wiggling in bed make it impossible to sleep any longer . . . I must get up, let them out to do their morning constitutional, then feed them . . . I'm wide awake, yet they go back to bed for another four hours, while I shiver here in front of the computer . . . *sigh!*

[Woody]

yes I forget you have to tend to the business of your animals. the downside to living on a farm, I suppose.

[Shannon]

Clever way to make a simple read very engaging!

[Woody]

thanks a lot S. I had fun with this one. atribute to one of the best bands that ever existed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i saw six Beatles songs in this clever write:

Dear Prudence
Let it Be
Yellow submarine
Yesterday
Hey Jude
Bad Boy

[Woody]

I'm ashamed to say that "bad boy" went clean out of my mind. thank you jacob and many thanks for stopping to read this one. knowing that you mostly review poems, I'm most appreciative that you took the time to make an exception here.

[James]

Hahahahaha, I forgot that you sometimes use a dog or cat as a narrator. This was great, never thought about a dog enjoying the peace and quiet when the kids are away. The dog being sick of Prudence's tirades.

Enjoyed it Woody.

[Woody]

I found out that dogs and cats make excellent narrators. you should try it :) yeah I had fun writing this one. this is one of my earliest writes and it has a special place in my heart. probably cos the Beatles are my favourite band.
thanks a bunch, James. glad you enjoyed it.

[Jeremiah Gerstner]

Very clever! I loved the twist ending. From the time Mother Mary bent down to wag her finger until she called him a "Bad boy!", the image of an adult man (who was as surprised as I was) suddenly being transmuted into a dog made me grin. Fun read.

[Woody]

thank you Jeremiah. I enjoy trying to surprise the reader. and this was my tribute to one of the best bands England has birthed.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Let it be
Hey Jude
Yesterday
Mother Marry
Bad Boy

I love the beetles. Very clever.

[Woody]

not bad not bad. but where's yellow submarine? and there's no song title Mother Mary :)
thank you for dropping in Sir.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Ohhhh? I must have mistaken, silly me

[Cathy Wattam]

Well Woody, I'm sorry but these references don't come even close to the amount I managed in 'Ode to Bob'. However, that said, I liked it. There's something in my life that yesterday, with a little help from my friends, could have helped me see off the blackbird that said hello goodbye. I saw her standing there across the universe and thought all you need is love. It flew away down a long and winding road called Penny Lane into Norwegian Wood calling for Lucy. In the sky with diamonds fell a day tripper coming down like a helter skelter and I shouted get back! He was a beautiful dreamer shouting I am the walrus but all I could say was I want to hold your hand. He replied you can drive my car but I couldn't as I used to be a paperback writer eight days a week and eventually all things must pass. Lovely Rita from next door had just gone on a magical mystery tour hoping to find the Lady Madonna. She did love to twist and shout when she came in through the bedroom window, seeking a taste of honey and hiding from the taxman. She used to say to him money, that's what I want but all she got was Eleanor Rigby's old ticket to ride back in the USSR. Do you want to know a secret? Everybody's got something to hide except me and my monkey ;)

[Woody]

hahaha you are amazing, lady! just like that! off the top of your head? we should do a context you and I.
having said that and not to knock the wind off your sails, I was aiming forr something else. trust me, I could've piled the songs to high heaven, the beatles being my favourite band. believe it or not, I intentionally kept it to a bare minimum.
again, I love what you did. please, please, share it. see what readers will say :)

[Woody]

context? pfff!

[Cathy Wattam]

Doctor, No. It's for your eyes only Woody, you have a licence to kill, or at the very least, a view to a kill. Honestly, you're like the man with the golden gun and tomorrow never dies. Sometimes you scare the living daylights out of me. I need a quantum of solace, I'm at an all time high and I will never say never again. Remember, diamonds are forever and only suit a goldfinger or a moonraker. Which reminds me, I need to check the lottery, I think my thunderball numbers may have come up at casino royale. I had an octopussy in the fish tank the other day, it came from Russia with love and had a beautiful golden eye but I fear the world is not enough for it. Ok I'll stop now. You know what they say? Live and let die.........

[Woody]

you you you!!!!! you're one of a kind C. ok I'll have to think of something. I like this. it could turn into a game. so hold your horses. don't do any more of your juggling.

[Solar]

Help! cried the beetle its been a hard day's night. Just imagine - a talking beetle [clears throat,kauf-kauf].

okey-dokey: jude, mother mary, let it be, yesterday, prudence, yellow sub ...

[Woody]

thank you so much for digging this old one up my friend. I'm quite partial to this one as the Beatles are my favourite band.
a hard day's night indeed! hey you've got one too many. mother mary's not a song, I'm afraid. it's in let it be :)

[Solar]

haha - the hard's night etc was just the intro along with feeble kaUfka/beetle joke

[Woody]

aah I missed your hint at Kafka's metamorphosis, sorry.

[Taylor]

Hi Woody,thought I'd give you a visit as a nice way to start the day. As you know, I review as I read -- love the first paragraph; you really give the reader of jolt with that "check the house for intruders." This is a great, fun read and I think the Beatles would enjoy it -- maybe you should send it to Paul McCartney. Fun mother-in-law too. Sounds like mine. So, I'm smiling and I didn't even say anything "critical." Great job, Woody.

[Woody]

thanks dear Taylor. your visits always make my heart goo pit-a-pat. glad I didn't give you any excuse to tear into it :)
I'm happy you enjoyed it.