Ghost

Just an ordinary day in the tribunal.

There was a hush in the courtroom as the judge entered, his black robe flowing behind him, not unlike Batman rushing to catch the baddies. As the judge sat his stately posterior on the padded high-backed chair, a murmur rose among the congregation. He immediately snatched his gavel and hammered it down, admonishing the attendees and ordering them to pipe down, though not in those terms. In the silence that ensued, the bailiff shouted:

 

“Kramer Vs Kramer.”

 

“Yes, yes, get on with it,” snapped the judge, “we’ve all seen the movie. Counsellor, call your defendant.”

 

“Yes, your Honour. Mrs. Kramer, please tell the judge what happened.”

 

Mrs. Kramer, a wiry woman with mousy hair and a huge beauty spot over her right eyebrow, straightened her frock and tried unsuccessfully to smooth down her hair, said:

 

“Well, your Honour, as I told your servant…”

 

“We don’t have servants, Mrs Kramer. You are probably referring to the District Attorney.”

 

“If you say so. Well, anyway, I never cheated on my husband.”

 

The judge sighed wearily.

 

“Mrs Kramer, do you mean to say that your baby was conceived without the assistance of a male fellow human? Because, as far as I know, the Virgin Mary was the only one capable of pulling off such a trick.”

 

“Well, Your Honour, as I’ve already explained to your District servant, I was raped by a ghost.”

 

The judge did a double take and flew off the handle when the courtroom erupted in laughter. His gavel followed suit as he brought it down with tremendous force. Red in the face, he roared:

 

“ORDER! ORDER! I will not tolerate such behaviour in my courtroom. The next one who as much as breathes out audibly, I’ll throw them in a cell and make them swallow the key.”

Now, Mrs Kramer, all along my forty years of presiding in this courtroom, I’ve heard them all but this is the first time I’ve heard such a preposterous story.”

The judge then turned to the audience, looked over the rim of his half-moon glasses and asked:

 

“Has anyone here ever made love to a ghost?”

 

A brief silence followed, then an old farmer rose and said:

 

“Me, me Lord”

 

 “What?” spluttered the judge, is it “joker day, today? You made love to a GHOST?”

 

“Sorry, me Lord”, said the farmer, “thought you said a goat.”

 

Reviews

[1VJ]

I saw this pop up on the Live Feed and so glad I peeked in. Poor goats always getting a bum rap! The gift of high intellect or a madman, I can't decide. :)

[Woody]

thank you Paloma for resurrecting this old one. I'm not sure who you had in mind when talking about high intellect :)

[Jacob Clifford]

So was this story your first on this site? Even back in 2014, you had your dirty sense of humor. Never change, Woody.

[Woody]

could be the second, Clifford, but one of the early ones. I like to believe that my writing has evolved. still, dirty humour IS funny, isn't it? :) thanks a lot Cliff. and no I won't change even if I wanted to.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Ha! Hopefully, a nanny.
Ghosts aren't nearly so tight.
Bawdy tale, Woodster!

[Woody]

of course a nanny, Frankie. don't be silly. the old farmer's not homosexual.
wouldn't it be swell to be able to make love to a ghosst, though? no worries about tricky pregnancies.
I'm flattered you went so far back to dig this old one out, mate. thank you.

[Valentine]

Very funny write, but you left me wondering just how she got pregnant. Valentine

[Woody]

maybe I should've elaborated. her excuse for cheating on her husband is that she was raped by a ghost.

thank you again, Dear.

[Valentine]

Some people will use anything for an excuse. Kathie

[Will Neill]

How did I miss these gems?...I shall continue on with my quest to read all your stories.
Will

[Woody]

awww that's too much honour Will. thanks a lot, Pal.

[Chloe]

This is simply perfection. Well done on this one! Your comedic pieces are ones I enjoy very thoroughly, and since I am basically morally inept, I did not find a problem with the vulgarity of this story.

[lissalovesyou]

Funny, but, like Marie said, a little bit crude.

[Marie]

A litttle bit curde. But funny.