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If you're a poet, please don't take this seriously. It's only for fun. I don't consider myself a poet so please feel free to point out my shortcomings.

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This is the story of rich Mr. Maud
Who once paid a visit to a hospital ward

He saw a man on a bed
With only two legs and a head

"Dear me! Said Mr. Maud looking glum,
How does the wretched soul scratch his bum?"

He hurriedly took his cheque book out
And made a donation to the manager Mr. Stout

They, then, proceeded to the next room
Where lying on the bed was a human broom

The man had no arms, no legs but lots of hair
"What's the use? Said Mr. Maud, that's unfair"

Out came the cheque-book once again
From the breast pocket of the generous man

The elated Mr. Stout wanted more and more
So he dragged Mr. Maud out to the corridor

And ushered him past an empty phone booth
To put him face to face with a wisdom tooth

The tooth lay motionless on a pink mattress 
While Mr. Maud thought "what the hell's this?"

Now Mr. Stout rubbed his hands with glee
As the befuddled Mr. Maud approached to see

"Is this all that's left of him, for God's sake?"
Spluttered the man then started to shake

"Worse still, answered the greedy Stout Barrow,
It's decayed, and we're pulling it out tomorrow"

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Woody,
Ok I am reading your work (new for me) Money and greed; you ran with it and had fun. Hospitals, doctors. We are so in need sometimes. But wow this really put's it all in a whole new light. Very cool for sure. Mr Stout was a very aggressive guy and Mr. Stout, well he should of seen it coming..................at least I wish he would of. This was a good story! Kathy

[Woody]

thank you so much Kathy. yes outlandish for sure :)
I'm elated this one amused you.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Quite a rotten tooth's write, indeed, but all the same a tale not inane, nor lacking thrills, chills, and spills to those overly expectant readers ... Thanks for sharing this bit of wisdom's tooth spoof that is actually pretty decent poetry set to pen of page ...

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[barleygirl]

Your imagination is off the charts! I can't believe the examples you've dreamed up here! I love the ongoing theme of trying to get money for sympathy. I love the funny comment: how did that first patient scratch his bum? I love how the last example is too outrageous to fathom, such that it kinda blows your spoof apart with a final blast of your exaggerated humor! *smile*

[Woody]

haha thank you Dear. this is one of the very first. actually, THE first poem. and when I showed it to friends and family and got positive resposes and pats on the back (was choking on a piece of croissant at the time) I thought hell I can write poetry and amuse a few people. and that's, dear Margie, how I became the wonderfully skillful poet I am today. (joking. well, maybe not)
sorry couldn't stop myself :)))
thank you, fair lady. I appreciate your sweet words.

[barleygirl]

I may have the mechanics of writing down pat, but I'd give anything to have your imagination. It never ceases to amaze me the way you come up with the most outlandish ideas!

[Woody]

this is a praise I'll cherish to my dying day :)))) thank you (((H)))

[LastMonth]

Elaborate, witty and intelligent.
Yet funny in the way that makes you feel almost silly for laughing.
For some reason I felt like going through your work and read something 'Older'.

Can't say I'm disappointed.
Hilarious as it is,
This is far more then a joke.
The criticism in this is not lost on me (Assuming it was intentional and I'm not just reading too deep into this!) and I find it both remarkbly true and yet still subtle.

Good job, how I wish that this wasn't so terribly true, the connection between charity and guilt.
Thank you for the story, and thank you for the laugh.

[Woody]

thanks a bunch, LM. you made my evening. I appreciate your going as far back as this one and I'm glad you found it funny. no, you're not reading too deep into it. the manager, Mr. Stout is a caricature of so many people, unfortunately. the exageration is, of course, meant to entertain.

[LastMonth]

Don't thank me.
Thank my surprsing decision to do night shifts, which keep me into the night far after everyone else left. (About two hours ago.)

Oh, and yeah I suppose the fact that your writing is actually good also has something to do with it.

Thank you for the story Woody!

[Woody]

pleasure's all mine my friend.

[B. Boileau]

I really like this comical piece. It gives new meaning to medicare!
especially the last tongue and cheek stanza. Don't cut yourself short Woody, your are indeed a talented poet as well .

bill

[Woody]

well I sure am flattered, Bill. I'm particularly comfortable with the comedic type. it's the meter, rhythm, scan... that make me squirm.

once again thanks loads Bill for going all the way back to find this one.

[Valentine]

Where your ideas come from beats me. Living over there you are very fluent in the English language and really know how to make us laugh. Valentine

[Woody]

oh my! I'm flattered you took the trouble to dredge this old one up, Valentine. thank you.
praise from an English speaker is music to my ears. thank you. well, I'm in love with the English language. and I live for music and humour :)

[Valentine]

I had French in high school., but just a couple of terms. Music and the old century novels are some of my favorites. Kathie

[Woody]

French is the second language here as you may know. as for music, I never studied it and I don't play any instrument. I'm a "listener". old school really. Beatles, Simon & Garfunkel, Pink Floyd....

[Valentine]

They all are good, I also like piano alone music and long hair.

[Amy Rose]

Ha ha I love this poem, bravo Woody! :D You made me giggle once again, I LOVE your poems :D

[Woody]

thanks a bunch Amy :) so glad this one made you giggle. sorry about the late answer.

[Amy Rose]

Don't worry, you're sick. Have a rest, don't mind me :))

[just Penny]

Hahaha! Like the wit in this poem. Great rhyme and meter. I think I will drop by again and read some more of your writing soon :) Penny

[Woody]

i'm super glad you found it funny, Penny. thank you and be my guest

[John]

I enjoyed reading this. The pay off line was v funny.

Wonder if it might even work better in iambic pentameter throughout. For example:

This is the story of rich Mr. Maud
Who visited once a hospital ward, etc

Just a though.

[Woody]

thanks for the read John. and you are certainly right. as I said up top, I'm not a "real" poet. just fooling around.