The Brick and the Balloon

You had gotten used to the 'before' feeling, it was there for what felt like endless time. So elated, so excited, so energetic; like a balloon inside of you. In the last minute or so it seems as if it has fallen from you, like dropping a brick from a plane. Simply gone, damn near impossible to get back, for now. But that brick then falls into your stomach.

 

This state is also familiar, you've been here before, and you knew it was only a matter of time before it came around again. It often does this, so you were expecting it. But, for a little while, it seemed as if you would never leave the previous state. You kind of miss it now. Maybe you're still kind of in it, only you know it is fading, and are being nostalgic of something you are already experiencing. It's as if this brick, sitting in your stomach, is forcing its way up your throat. But it doesn't want to leave. It just teases with its presence. 

 

The previous state has gone now, and you miss it so terribly; before you could at least have movement and excitement. For now it pains you to move, and the brick refuses to allow anything. It seems you can't find a middle ground, you either must live with the brick, or find a means of exerting yourself to remove excess excitement, 'pop' the balloon. You either want to run and jump, or sleep and not move at all. You always want the opposite to what you have. 

 

The brick makes you feel so anxious, as if you have to feel guilty for something, or are waiting for something important to happen. But no, there is none of that in actuality. Simply the brick, doing its deed. It often makes you nauseated, and makes you think too much. You suppose it would do good in some situations, but don't like how it just sits there, teasing you. It leaves a ringing silence in your ears. You can see and experience people and things. But you never remember them. You can hardly put together memories. You can see someone, and know at the time that they are there and real, but then an hour later you can't even picture them as ever being. Time moves so quickly, but once it has passed it seems like decades ago.

 

The elation also causes a memory loss. You find everything so significant and exciting, but it all flashes by so fast, and you wish you could slow down to appreciate it. You don't remember much of being with friends, both old and new. The old ones should have had long lasting impressions from your times together, and the new ones should still be fresh in your mind. But no, they all merge into a blur. You often wish you could just run to them now, and hold their faces in your hands and scream "You are here, you exist for me, I must remember". But that will probably not happen, the remembering. Just imagine not remembering what your best friend looks like. That's what it is. 

 

You often, while with the balloon, feel as if you could fly into the sky, dance among the stars, and see the places you only dream of. You could fly up, see the snow, see the mountains, go where ever you wish, run from the inevitable brick which chases you.

Author's Note

Not quite sure how to end it so just left it as it is.