suicide devil

this about someone that was taken over controlled by there feelings and end up into suicide thoughts

Falling in suicide

Hate burns in love

Becoming one divide

Tears fall from above

What’s there to hide?

Showing to prove

One do not provide

You’re one to love

Ask for forgiveness

To sounds of broken tears

Could never be mistaken

Words couldn’t hear

My thoughts were taken

By one I fear

We come one as we waken

Over taken the years

Darkness becoming me

Who I was, was gone

This suicide devil couldn’t be

My life is done

Light I couldn’t see

I wasn’t strong

Now I’m gone

Disappearing from light

Never could be replace

Mistaking what’s right

Could never embrace

Could never fight

A life I couldn’t face

Trying will all my might

Couldn’t get enough space

Reviews

[Writer *78*]

Impressive I myself thought about this once and then I thought why not take all of the darkness and make something out of it. Thus Phantom was born.

Corrections or changes i would make:
The last stanza where you have 'Never could be replace' I think the last word should be replaced. Also 'Could never embrace' maybe try restructring the entire line and say Could never be embraced again, or add the word To at the start of it.

Again these are temporary corrections of what I see but as any writer on here would tell you people could give you all the critque's in the world but ultimately it comes down to the writer itself... You. Other than that this is a very Impressive piece of work Janice. You are a very good writer and I cant wait to read more of your work in the future.

-Writer *78*

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thank you so much :D

[Writer *78*]

your welcome you havent talked to me in a while :[

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

I'm sorry I'm been busy with homework I'm trying to get my grades up

[Writer *78*]

thats ok then

[Barbara Walker]

When your self-esteem is low or you are feeling far from yourself, I think that your line-"becoming one divide", says ALOT. Your emotions show in this piece, but in a cryptic way, as in one tired of trying to explain to those who aren't listening, anyway. Great write!

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks

[Angela ☄️]

It's a very good poem and I love it, it's chalked full of emotion that are dark. (In my sense). But sweetie suicide is never the awnser, we have to climb our mountians and fight our battles. We can't just give up, because if we do we might miss out on something beautiful. :)

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)

[beautiful dreamer]

good write angel. i'm just going to call you angel cuz it makes sense since you call me beautiful. hope you don't mind. i love emotional deep poems like this :)

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

okay thanks :)

[beautiful dreamer]

your very welcome :)

[☢ZoMbIeS sLaYeR&#..]

very emotional poem, lots of meaning in it. Good write i love it!

-shelbs ^_^

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)

[Chesney W.]

this is very emotionally written. like you couldn't ever do anything right. I really like this poem, and I hope that it's just a poem. keep writing, you're really good!
-Chesney Chey(:

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)

[Faffy]

empathy more than i can say, it was a very emotionally traumatic to read as im sure it was to write, you express such dark feelings with such easy and grace its almost like an oxymoron the rhyme hakes this seem fluid making the feelings that come out of this poem seem definite which made it all the more to read. i loved it.

hope you see better days =)

-Roshan

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)

[zainul]

Wonderful write.
I know you are around 16 y.o.
Do you think thought of suicide takes control at such age?
What can be done to neutralize thought or intent of suicide among the teens?
100/100

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

ya I think of suicide thats why I wrote this poem, but I won't kill myself couse I know things will get better sooner or later they just have to. Well most teens say they are suicidal and some hide it from everyone and those ones are more likly to hurt themself, but the ones that say they are suicidal are just doing it for attention. To keep teen from thinking of suicide someone has to just tell them that there is more to left then to die, but if you say everything is going to be alright and if someone babies that person they will take it for attention. So when I think of it I push the thoughts away and try to think of something good.

[zainul]

Thank you for the wonderful explanation.
I think there is good lesson for all of us.
I will converse with you from time to time.
I feel very happy that you have shared some precious information that may be helpful for parents,teachers and the teens themselves.

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

your welcome, If people just think before they do something like killing themself, the suicide rating won't be so high.

[zainul]

Yea,I think the parents,psychologists,teachers,sociologists and other professionals should talk with the teens to help them overcome the crisis.

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

ya, but instead they try to say things could be worst or otherwise they babe them...

[zainul]

That is really sad.
Writers may convince the society and its players to act correctly for the sake of the future citizens.

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

agree!

[zainul]

Thank you amazing poet!
The devil is around to misguide all of the humankind.
All of us need to be careful for our safety.
Otherwise the devil will triumph!
We will weep!

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

:)

[zainul]

:)

[unshakenScene]

I love this is has a lot of meaning to it.

[Janice Fronek(red.panda)]

thanks :)

[unshakenScene]

yup np:)

[Brittany]

'My thoughts were taken, By one I fear'
'Trying will (with?) all my might, Couldn't get enough space'
-These are my favorite lines. I liked this, even if it's dark. Good job.