forget thee

Poured my eyen out to thee

Betwixt all faith and death

Thou art neither love nor my fere

Wherefore was this wrought, with no breath?

 

Thou canst tarry one love

Thy words art not my pubh pain

Thou canst hope for a god above

But thy god eyen shall rain

 

Hither we tarry for thy soul to die

Forget thee, I shall never hold

Thou art worthless, never be alive

Forever thou shall be alone in the cold

 

Adieu forever, thou and I forever lost

This love hast no cost

Reviews

[ValyrieKiennan]

I have studied old English quite extensively, and I find this piece rather interesting. The content itself is rather simplistic, and the use of old English seems to serve the function of covering up a rather simple theme with impressive-sounding language. I do not say this to be harsh, but rather to let you know that the use of this sort of language does not add anything to this piece; it would be just as good without it. As such, the words seem forced and the flow is often interrupted.

I would suggest that you attempt reading this piece aloud so that you can better pick up awkward/imbalanced sentences and improve upon the overall structure.