As I Write it Down

My pen bleeds
As its ink seeps
My words cry
The seer weeps
I keep scrawling
Until my pain recedes
Walking on my way
Where my lament leads
Crumbling to bones
Changing to fit the needs
My frailty drives me
As nothingness breeds
In madness I did
Those fearful deeds
Now I'll have to pay
The price of my greed
Making me suffer
My demons succeed
In the garden of love
I feel like a weed
I am looking for my way
To the flowery meads
Where the chains will be shattered
And then I will be freed

Author's Note

Hello everyone!
I know I haven't published anything is a long while. My next poem that I will be publishing will be, in a way, explaining why I've been m.i.a.
I would really appreciate it if you would leave a review. Perhaps with some constructive criticism.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

I like this quite a bit, E-C. I like the rhyme scheme. One thing I would consider would be to remove some of the filler words By tightening this up I think it would be more impactful.
i.e.
My pen bleeds
the ink seeps...

scrawling until
my pain recedes
following where
my lament leads...

frailty drives me,
nothingness breeds...


These are only suggestions of course, it is a good write.

[Quietstorm]

Wow, this one gave me chills, it resonates with something within me..... Deep thoughts

[Alao Taiwo]

...off to the flowery meads... still cynical though, u didn't expose in details what transpired in the garden of love. it's could be the juice of the poem. smiles

[Nipplegrinder]

This is rather well conceived, and has some stunning lines. I disagree with Ted, about the frailty line. I find it to be lovely.
The only curious line for me, was, I feel like a weed.
But, I enjoyed this.
Cheers, K

[Wonderland Asylum]

The line that you referenced tied into the one above it,

In the garden of love
read moreThe line that you referenced tied into the one above it,

In the garden of love
I feel like a weed.

Meaning 'I'm am not comfortable with love, and it is a flower that I do not have.
I hope this clears things up for you.

[RayLynn]

This is a really power piece of work! You did an awesome job of conveying such raw emotions and struggle
I really enjoyed it!

[Lavi]

Great visualization! I can't really think of anything you could add to this simply because this is your signature kind of poem, where the reader feels both out-of-body and there with you, as you, kind of experience. It shows a sense of resentment for past actions yet at the end, shows despite the corrosion you will still be free, you won't be darkened by it as well. Affected? Yes. But never caged.

[Onlyme]

Good use of words that are impacting and direct. Good poem. Great read.

[David O Whalen (O Haol..]

Can't find anything to criticise here Emo. (except that you obviously couldn't find a way to work the word "peed" into your poem) Well writ my good man!

[Wonderland Asylum]

Thank you, and I'm female, not male

[David O Whalen (O Haolin in Celtic)]

Mea culpa my good lady!

[Lydia Shutter]

Writers can get through any situation in life by writing about it. I am convinced of that. Good expression in this one and the staccato lines are effective. I liked the rhyming. Lydi**

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice poem dear friend. Writing is the way the writer's bleed. I liked your thoughts and words shared. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mike Rembis]

This is a beautiful poem. As spoken word, a proper actor will bring out the deeper level of meaning within. I shared it as Poem of the Day on Coffee Poem on Twitter and Facebook today.