Shhhhhh, Quiet

Trapped inside the mind,

Screaming and yelling to get out.

Prevented by the blockade behind the mouth.

Too many words.

Too many thoughts,

swirling  and swimming all around.

Topics of all kinds.

Only to be released by the

bleeding of ink from a pen on paper, scrawling words across the blue lines.

Wanting to voice aloud, cannot find proper phrases.

But placed on paper, the screaming of words mellow, and become coherent.

Unable to be formed in a paragraph, for in the mind if full of rhyme and stanzas.

Tries to wrote for others to understand, but usually writes to clear the mind.

People speak, they are loud or quiet, aggressive or sweet. All able to voice their words aloud.

Not uncomfortable, or scared.

Nor nervous,

Just trying to  sort the swirling and swimmingwords.

Words often

s

      P

I

       R

A

       L

into themselves, always getting smaller,

N

E

V

E

R

stopping or

C

H

A

N

G

I

N

G

.

The mind gets lost within the spirals, trying desperately to

E

   S

       C

           A

                P

                      E

through the voice.

Always in search of pen and paper, to scratch things down.

Wants to help other, often doesn’t know how to offer.

Has appreciation for those around, yet doesn’t know how to show or say.

Wanting to speak, mind screaming back, saying to stay quiet from years of being told not to speak.

Still unsure how to properly show affection, to family, friends, and significant other.

Cares a lot, struggling to keep pace.

The only comfort, when thoughts are sorted out through the blood of pens staining the white paper.

Author's Note

I come from a very f***** up home.
My father and stepmother treated me as a thing, rather than a child.
They would yell and yell at me, telling me to answer them, then as soon as I try to answer, I would try to answer, then instantly be shut down by being told to shut the hell up.
If I didn't do one little thing, I'd be slapped.
If my niece or nephew did something, it would be put on me.
Everything in this poem, is a problem that was created by them.
When I was still living with them, I would write things down on paper, the burn the paper.

Just a little more about me I guess.

Reviews

[Lavi]

Bloody hell, I can relate to this so much. I love so many of your lines and would've quoted them all here but was too excited to leave this review to add more than this one:
"Tries to write for others to understand, but usually writes to clear the mind."
It's somewhat ironic but also extremely refreshing to be reading this poem now after just last night staying up late and staring at the ceiling wondering how long I've been distracting myself from reading too deeply into thoughts I used to speculate all the time in the past out of fear of spiraling thoughts and escaping reality for fantasy and then trying to get back.
And just… you’ve portrayed that perfectly here. Strange though, we have some parallels. Not the same exactly but similar nevertheless. It resonates the strongest with me about writing things down on paper and then burning them. I did the same up until two and a half years ago (that long ago already?) when I got caught after a suicide attempt and now the people that know about that think it’s a trigger, which it isn’t but now I spend my time staring into candle lights with churning thoughts rather than giving them a physical form. Or give it a technical form on here.
Little bit about me there, sorry for rambling, it could be the caffeine but I like to think that your writing has resonated something within me too.
Also, brilliant poem structure. Not many can make it work but you made it do so and you owned it. So so true. Damn, I just love this.

[HB Rita]

I read your poem. Before I make my review, I read your note and that made me shut down. My heart just broke knowing your childhood. I really can not judge this poem. God bless.

[Ghost writer]

I think that's really cool. I really get you I have trouble speaking aloud to people, I'm really bad at reading out loud, and have lot's of trouble expressing myself when I speak though not so much when I wright. I think it was really good how you got the point across of always trying to find paper because you can't say how you feel out loud or you can't get it across well unless your writing it out perhaps even rhyming. Lovely work.

[Onlyme]

ps it also took real guts to speak about how you felt I admire your honesty and openess. Great job with your poem. Proud of YOU.

[Onlyme]

I feel your emotions pouring out in this poem. From all direction. As the void is opening and you can not control it. Just spilling out. But stuck as to how to deal with it all at once. Breathe... try to relax. calm down.... deep breaths in and out... and try to find inner peace for yourself. do something that helps you away from everyone else. your time alone for you. with your pen and paper if you like. but more space for you to unwind and relax. I relax to you as I have had s**t parents myself who messed me up and I am an adult now. If you need a chat drop me a line. Point iam trying to say it take it easy on yourself and do not rush healing. bit at a time.. and also be kind to you.

[The Iron Horseman]

This is very moving and the presentation is very original, Cat.
The emotions expressed are very raw and compelling. Your use of writing as a release is an intelligent response - it is good to vent.
So many people seem to have had awful childhoods; it makes me grateful that I had a good one.
I hope your life has improved now and that you have learned how to cope with all your painful memories.

[Coyote Poetry]

You did a outstanding job my friend. The poem words, direct and honest. You took the reader in and you held them to the last words. We learn from good and bad lessons. My bad lessons made me become a better person. Thank you for sharing your amazing words and thoughts.'
Coyote

[Paul Bell]

Should be a law where you're allowed to go back and shoot them.
On the plus side, you get to put them in the home. Small mercies, but worth it.

[A.Tarek]

that left me speechless, It was stunning
That's art. Beautiful just beautiful, I like it so much
I'm adding it in my library