Writer's __(Fill In The Blank)__

Swimming in the water

Swimming all around.

Swimming in the ocean.

On my own in my own world.

Just there

And swimming.

Words

Coming to mind without care.

A whirlwind of vocabulary that is hardly kind.

Swimming, flowing constantly throughout

My mind.

Trying to find sleep

Words mingle together

Creating forms that

I must keep.

Deep in conversation

Words begin their journey,

However

I must emphasize,

The words are always

Present.

Just louder during times they

Find fit.

Frustrated, trying to understand what’s going on

Outside my mind,

What’s going on in class

But the words are itching to be written down.

Try an I might, telling the words

“No, not now, I need to sleep,”

but they are words, they do not listen

Never have I fallen prey to the illness that all writers dread,

The sudden block of words flowing to their heads.

It’s quite a shock,

How my words never stop.

Begin writing one series of words, don’t get to finish

As a result of new words, that do

not belong with the

original set.

Finish those, go back finish the others.

Process never stops

Like animals,

attacking without hesitation,

Demanding to be heard

Trillions of words in my head

and on my notebooks

But only mere thousands have been heard.

My words are angry

My words are sad

Filled with joy

Often depressed,

Occasionally coy.

These words make me

For I make these words.

But do not for one second think

That these words are me

These words

Are mere interpretations

Of what I see, hear, and witness.

These words

Are My interpretations of what I see through

Myself, but mostly through the world itself.

These words,

Have driven people mad.

Trying to find sleep,

Words continue to mingle, not as loud

But creating forms I must keep

Trying to find sleep,

These words will be heard

Capture the one that are loudest.

Now my mind has been assured.

Words forming

when instead I should be focusing on dreadful math.

I hear the words

that people say.

Heavy eyelids,

Head spinning,

Just want to rest for a spell

Lightheaded, unconcentrated.

Drowning in words.

Drowning in their noisy sound.

Even now, i am not feeling well.

Some people would call this,

The writers gift

Or is the the curse of words?

Author's Note

This came to me, (or should I say came Out of me) at 2:11 am 3-5-2018.
I have many ¨medical issues¨, one of them is majorly anxiety of almost every kind. Once my mind gets fixated on something, its as if i'm in a spiral that gets tighter and tighter, but never ending. I get lost in thoughts, strings and strings of thoughts, then the course of those strings change, and it starts all over again. The biggest struggle with this, is not taking the medication for it. I refuse to take the medication for simple reasons. 1, if I take the medication, I won't be able to go into the navy. If you have been on certain meds for a specific length of time, you won't be medically cleared. 2, I want to learn to control this without the meds, and so far I have. With this piece, I'm letting all of who reads this, peek into what it's like. If you have ever heard of the author John Green, one of his newer books, Turtles All The Way Down, explains this feeling perfectly.

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

Emo, this is a very good glimpse into a writer's mind. It is not all hearts and roses, nor is it always straight forward. Quite often the thoughts are jumbled, disjointed and seem to take on a life of their own.

Let them flow onto the page. They can be re-arranged later or not, if that's how they work best.

Good on you for wanting to control your medical issues without meds. It's tough but you'll be better off if you can do it.

Good luck getting into the navy.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

A blessing and a curse when we feel and think so deep- i know and understand- my happy place is the bath but sometimes i think yes time to switch off and relax light the candles put oils in water play soft music and then the words start flowing and you cannot stop them that i must then go get paper and pen to write them down- but you are gifted and talented so just keep on taking them as they come good way to get out deep seated emotions and feelings to help heal the soul- wonderfully written - don't stop i enjoyed reading.

[Lavi]

"Like animals,
attacking without hesitation,
Demanding to be heard"

I love this line context right here. It tells so much and yet at the same time surprising because not many would think to compare it to that.

"Trillions of words in my head
and on my notebooks
But only mere thousands have been heard.
My words are angry
My words are sad
Filled with joy
Often depressed,
Occasionally coy.
These words make me
For I make these words.
But do not for one second think
That these words are me
These words
Are mere interpretations
Of what I see, hear, and witness."

And then these words are all the thoughts I couldn't put into words which you did amazingly. So powerful and brings back nostalgic to me. Thousands of words hardly compare to the trillions in our mind. It's why when someone asks me what I'm thinking I also stare at them for a moment before saying I forgot because 30 seconds ago I had a completely different line of thoughts and after that question, my thoughts took another turn. Funny, that. Even I don't know half of my thoughts because I'll burn or shed my deepest thoughts.

I can relate to what you're saying though. It's why the infamous writer's block is so well known and yet even if we stop conjuring thoughts about one thing we're still on another and so the 'writer's gift' never ends. I like to think that's why my head is always in the clouds and lost daydreaming or writing stories... because if I were always 'down to earth' I would never sleep as my thoughts wouldn't let me. If I wanted to think deeply and touch the earth I'd write poetry XD

Sorry for the long review. But great job. This is just so good.

[Mrudula Rani]

I would call it writer's gift. But not all gifts are easy to handle. Your flow of poem has an urgency and force of inspiration, without loosing the step it runs smoothly and amazingly. I was impressed by your introduction 0f yourself too. wish you all the best .

[S.J. Rivers]

I liked reading this poem! The way it was written had me very intrigued and at the same time a bit confused. I feel like I've had a glimpse into your mind. The thoughts seem a bit erratic and some of them are hard to keep up with, but everyone interprets things differently.

I do hope that you're able to overcome your anxiety and I wish you the best!

[danny]

very very very nice loved reading your work