Beautiful Destinations

I once had this teacher

who had put a sticky note 

on the inside of my notebook

for that class.

The inside of each cover was full

of quotes, 

that I wrote on sticky notes.

Except for the inside of the front cover.

It had one open spot left.

You see, over the summer break of that year,

A fellow student of mine,

Was killed

by a car that hit him while he was walking early in the morning*.

I was dealing with it all very hard.

The class had to turn our notebooks in so that 

the teacher could check them.

Once we got them back, I had intended to

 fill that last spot space with a quote 

that I had found.  

But my teacher got to it first. 

When I opened my notebook, inside I found,

What I thought was the most amazing quote ever.

"Difficult roads 

Often Lead

To

Beautiful Destinations"

A truly beautiful quote.  

And from that day on,

I had seen the light at the end of the

very dark tunnel that I was headed down.

But as of today, no, as of August,

that light is now

gone.

And I'm surrounded by nothing 

but false hope,

and I'm tired of being played.

 I want, no, I NEED someone, something

to pull me out of this hell hole

before I leave my way.

The "selfish", yet "easy" way.

Why do so many people think its

the easy way out?

Cuz it's really not.     I've tried

I don't know how many

times now

to

leave

my way,

And it sure isn't easy.

It's hard,

so crazy difficult to do.

I've been there, almost making it out 

my way, only to have gotten

my timing wrong, or

not apply

enough

PRESSURE.

Always having what it takes to get 

to the door,

but never enough to

open it and go through.

Until now.

This feeling that I have,

is so much stronger

      than before.

I know if I try to leave

my way,

Iĺl make it.

But I need someone, 

or something,

to pull me out

before I try

anything!

Please, anyone!

Anything!

I WANT OUT SO GET ME THE HELL OUT!

Someone, please...

.....

......

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

please just listen,

and maybe,

no,

hopefully

you'll hear 

my 

cry for

help.

Because not all roads

lead to 

Beautiful Destinations

in the end.

Author's Note

*If you would like to know more about this student, his name is Matthew Swepston, and here is the link to the abc30 article
http://abc30.com/news/friends-family-teachers-mourn-reedley-high-student-killed-in-hit-and-run/1413455/

Reviews

[Lavi]

Reminds me of a lot of things. It's fortunate you had such an inspiring teacher back then. This is very raw and beautiful. All I feel I can offer are words and conversation (I do believe in the power of talking) and have been reading a lot of your writing on here. This is a very soul-full piece and very powerful.
I think, at least to me, "difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations" means that as long as you keep holding on and trying to find a way to be yourself and have a better life, you can find that beautiful destination but only if you hold on - and try. If it was just supposed to happen then there would be a lot less heartache in the world and perhaps even less beautiful destinations because only those who have faced hardship in such a manner could understand when you've really found that beautiful place, while to others it's just a destination.
Suicide is never easy, its a fight against your instinct to live, and those who believe it is easy are those who have no idea how to live with themselves and/or after hardship. It's best to let people with those beliefs words' just bounce off because they mean nothing to you or anything really, meaningless words.
This, on the other hand, is powerful and every suicide whether successful, thought of, or unsuccessful, is painful as hell because it's so heartbreaking and so sad, to lose such good souls in the world to those that know nothing. If we're going to wish for someone to help us then we need to be able to do the same, and by losing ourselves, our good, we only create more sorrow and pain.
So although we may often find ourselves falling remember that we have wings, it's up to us when we allow ourselves to let go of the same routine and fly.

[The Purple Witch]

Wow, this is absolutely amazing. Such a sad story and such a beautiful quote. :) Bravo on this, dear.

[Amrita]

I always loved the way you display your feelings and emotions in your work. I could sense whole piece in mind while reading it..
I love your writing style..
Please keep writing and sharing :)
Love
Amrita