Chapter 2 of Alaska

12:56 p.m.

June 29

I ended up cutting class, but Kat didn’t go to school at all.  I walked into the house three hours before school ends.  

“Sarah, what are you doing here?  And so early.  Did you even go to class, why do you always cut class?”  My mum looked up at me from her book.

I poured myself a glass of orange juice.  “ I could have gone to class today, but I also could’ve committed murder.  So think about that.”  I downed my juice, hoisted my backpack up on my shoulders, and trudged up the stairs to my room.

Well, my room isn’t entirely correct.  I have to share rooms with Alaska.  It’s fine, I guess. She never really bothers me.  But that doesn’t mean that I still don’t have to deal with her friends when they come over.  Or even worse, her boyfriend, Emmett.  I don’t have a boyfriend, my friends and I always say stupid things like, “Boyfriend? What is that? Food?” Or we say,” I have a boyfriend. Wait, no, that’s a fridge.  Okay,I have a fridge.”

Her half of the room is perfect.  Just like the rooms you would expect to see in a “Home and Living” magazine.  My half of the room isn’t decorated to impress.  Little lights are strung all over, a whole wall is covered in photos i’ve taken, and another wall dedicated fully to my artwork.  My desk is littered with drawing supplies and sketchbooks.  

I slumped onto my bed, a black box catching my eye.  I looked around.  IA black box on my sisters bed, with papers strewn around.  I reached for one, writing scribbled all over it.  I threw it away without reading it, I don’t care either way.  I reached for my phone.  

Incoming call.

“Hello?”

“Sarah you didn’t come to school today!  And you left me with losers.  What’s up?”  My friend Levi, was on the other line.

“Nah, I was just tired,”  I said half-heartedly.  Another paper caught my eye.  This one spattered with blood.  I reached for it.

“Levi, I’ll call you later”

“What!?!?!! No-”

I hang up on the receiver.  My eyes scroll down the crumpled, blood-spattered paper.

-”I can’t take this anymore.  Why don’t I solve all my problems by……  I don’t feel fine.  There’s blood everywhere.  What do I do?  I could easily….”

It ended right there.  ‘What the hell??’  This can’t be my sisters.

Well, I did know that one of my sisters friends committed suicide.  Alicia, she couldn’t take the abuse from her parents anymore, pointed a gun at her head, and shot herself, around three years ago.  I think it’s crazy how I knew Alicia’s problems, and Alaska didn’t.  Oh, she knew about the suicide, but not why.  I did though.  I’d walk over to her house on Sunday evenings.  From there we would walk to the park and .sit on the swingset.  Swaying my feet back and forth, she would explain her problems and I would listen.  Why me?  Why not talk to Alaska?  I don’t know.  Never will know either, she’s gone now.  These notes, they could be Alicia’s.  My sister isn’t like that.  I’ve seen her gaze into the mirror as if she was thinking about her invisible imperfections that no one else can see.  I thought she did that out of vain, she’s perfect.  Like a Barbie, I guess you could say.  But I would catch her multiple times, every time, her eyes would fill with pain and deep sorrow.  

I reached for another note.  It’s not like I’m being intrusive.  These are from Alicia.  I deserve the right to see these letters, I was her best friend after all.

-” I have no friends.  They’re all scared of me.  They think of me as the ‘suicidal girl’  They’re scared that they’ll do something wrong and hurt me.  I’m glass to them and they’re afraid to break me.  But they can’t break me, I’m already broken.  Everything they say or do to me is topped with fake sweetness.  Why is everyone afraid of me? Why is everyone afraid of the suicidal?  I might be suicidal, but i’m not homicidal.”  

I clasped a hand over my mouth and almost burst into tears.  I reached for another bloodied paper.

“ I can look at anyone and think,’they have lovely eyes,’ or, ‘they’re pretty,’ but when it comes to me, I can’t think of anything. “

Next one

“My walls went up when my confidence went down…”

Next one

“I stare at my reflection in the mirror and ask, ‘Why am I doing this to myself?’

I can’t take it anymore.  I threw the letters down, slumped against my bed, and burst into tears.  I reached for my phone and earbuds and started playing my favorite band, Pierce the Veil.

“....I know you’re tortured within.  Your eyes are hungry again.  I’ll never wander my friend.  Somebody believed in this suicide.  Am I the only one who thinks that you should stay alive?”

I shut my eyes tightly, blinking multiple times to stop the flood of tears about to fall.  I paused the music, it just reminded me too much of Alicia.  Oh, God, how much I miss her…

I heard Alaska coming up the stairs.

“Crap…” I wiped the tears that should have fallen.

“Hello, Sarah!  How was school?  Alaska dropped her bag on the floor and flopped onto my bed.

“As if you care…”I turned away, so that my back was facing her.

“Oh, come on Sarah.  Don’t be like that,” Alaska chimed, sweetness dripping from her words.

“ I didn’t even go, okay? Are you happy now?” I snapped.

“Tsk, no need to get so offensive.  Anyways, Emmett gave me flowers and-”

“Shut up!  I don’t want to listen to you!  And I don’t have to!"  I growled, envy filling my voice.  Envy for her being intelligent.  Envy for her being pretty.  Envy for her being the favorite  Envy for her being perfect.

She stayed quiet.  I rushed out of the room and pounded furiously down the stairs.

“Where are you going?” My mum asked, pausing, then closing her book, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’.

“Outside, mum.  I’m not a dog who stays inside all day.  I actually go outside.”

“I don’t even know why I bother anymore…,”sighed my mum.

“Exactly.”  I slammed the door.

-Sarah

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm sorry to comment on your age, but this is amazing storytelling & writing for your age! Even tho this is a dreary everyday story that's relatable to most people your age, I would guess . . . and there's something special in the way you observe life, the way you express feelings, & the way you show instead of telling (first rule of good writing) how the sisters are competitive & wracked by jealousy. Good job & I'm interested to go on. Since I try to read lots of different people on this website, I may not continue reviewing right away, but I will keep this in my library to remind me to continue a little later on (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Alao Taiwo]

June 29, 2014- no boyfriend but you have a fridge. cool. that's way back anyways.
Again, intonations of loneliness and troublesomeness creeps in...
Alaska? no point, no need to touch on envy; envy is only an excuse not the root cause...

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good chapter. You create conflict and I liked the interaction/thoughts in the chapter. Thank you my friend for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote