Orphan Tears

Twisted you missed it
He's running out of time

One lost from the cancer
Two judged from their pain

Their hearts were different
But they saw the same
Yet love was still absent
And they knew no way
ooooo oo ohh
Shattered, mistreated, she blew her fuze
Accused, bulldozed, he showed his place
Probation. Suspension. They couldn't loose
The only difference is
They never knew

They never knew...
He never knew ache filled pain
That steadily grasped her shoulders
The burning passion. In. Her. Heart..
He wasn't hersss oh oh



The pain kept
The blood crept
The thoughts wept
The pills slept
As they dreamt
Of a day
That perfect day

One lost from the cancer
Two judged from their pain
Their hearts were different
But they saw the same
And they knew no way
ooo oo

And then she flew

Author's Note

i wrote a song using previous poems...tell me if it's complete shit or if i should add it my album

Reviews

[Justin]

I can hear it playing in my head in the words of borat very nice

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Sip Sip sipping on orphan tears
sip sip sipping on orphan tears

Nice But I heard the one by your fav. alien martian :)

[ℰmerald ⚓]

so have I xD that's slightly where I took the title from but mostly who it's about..

[Paper-Pen-Princess]

complete s**t!

HA -KIDDING was it about an orphane? kinda confussing but not bad.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

no, he's a foster kid, although he's not an orphan "foster children"s tears" doesn't sounds the same...i'm pretty sure his parents are still alive....also 'orphan tears' as in the alcohol, makes you get extreme holusinations and stuff.

[Kyle J. Lawson]

The whole time reading this I had a very dark image in my mind. Which isn't a bad thing. There's lots of people who prefer a dark mind-state when reading something. Especially when its intended to be dark. But I couldn't tell where the chorus began and ended. Maybe you could make some kind of indication in parentheses.

The pacing was a bit weird for me. But maybe that's just me. The song its self seems to have a rhythmic beat and few repetitious points. Which will cause the words and pattern of the song to get stuck in people's heads. So overall, I find it easy to read and rhythmic with a weird pacing. But nonetheless a good piece of writing.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

I'm only a teenager, my band bailed on me last two meets, we were suppose to discuss this song, but no, not like it's important or anything. Not like they are the ones singing it. Not like I still have figure all of this out myself, let alone figure out what rhythms work well with the lyrics. I don't have anything better to do with my days apparently.

Anyways after my moment of extreme feels, thanks for the review, it is slightly dark like most of my pieces, but I tried to find a balance with it. Did it balance evenly with other elements?

[Kyle J. Lawson]

Personally, I did think it balanced. The elements you portrayed in this can be hard to grasp and turn into words. You did well for being young. I'm not that old, so I know where your coming from. This can relate to people, and people in this world crave things that mirror themselves.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

Well, thank you

[Kyle J. Lawson]

You're welcome. ^^

[gombeggar]

nothing is s**t no matter wut u express...good rythmn 2 it here

[ℰmerald ⚓]

why thank you

[Invisible]

I like it. it's not perfect or maybe not great, but that's not what this review is about. this is just one man's opinion after all.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

thanks

[Invisible]

was that review awkward sounding enough? lol. I have difficulty acting personable sometimes, so short and simple reviews are probably best, but I like my way better cause it's mine, you know?

[ℰmerald ⚓]

it wasn't awkward i appriciate all feedback with my songs so does my band :)

[Invisible]

this was a song? just scrolled up, now I see that it was. it's hard to tell when one can't hear how it sounds, especially for me lol

[ℰmerald ⚓]

yeah it's a song lol,i haven't really figured out a nice tune for it though.

[Invisible]

well even if you did, i'd still have to hear it, as i'm a hands-on memory person, need to see hear or touch something to understand it.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

maybe if we get famous you'll hear it someday d:

[Invisible]

if you do that's pretty likely, though i'd hope it'd be soon or while I'm still in contact with you or i'll forget, I have a very s****y memory you see.

[ℰmerald ⚓]

as do i

[Invisible]

what were we talking about? just kidding. lame joke, i'm full of em'.