Where?

Dear old friend,
    Hey you, do you remember me? We used to be best friends. What ever happened to that? You've completely forgotten me like I never exsisted. Thanks, I appriciate that.
    And that's where my story begins.
It was a pretty decent day, all was going the way it normally did, the weather was alright, but we were inside anyways. I guess I'd always been part of the "cool crowd", I don't know why I mean I'm not pretty, I'm scene, I'm a juggalette, and I'm really awkward. So I was sitting with some other "cool" girls in English class talking about one of my crashes when I was dirt-biking, when the heavy, overly squeaky, metal door to the classroom slowly swings open. Just outside the room stood a rather tall girl who's blond highlights glistened in the sunlight and brown eye that shinned like a stoned man's. Deep in those sparkling eyes I saw fear, nervousness, pain, and innocence, but I knew better than that, deeper there was something much more intense, more evil. The sight of this girl was pretty spectacular, but I looked away quickly when I realized I had a crush on her. I couldn't just pretend she wasn't there, I turned around and there she was. Smiling at her as she walked towards the front of the room, ignoring my friend's comments like, "Who's SHE?" "Is THAT the new student?!" "She looks emo!" "She's kinda pretty though." she was pretty, she looked at me from the corner of her eye, I waved and tried to say, "Heyy, my names E.N." but no sound came out and I ended up looking like a fool smiling at you strangely moving my mouth. When the teacher introduced you to the class, i almost fell over when she said your name, I knew from that second that you were and amazing person and I had to be your friend. When the teacher told you you could sit where ever, I moved over hoping you sit next to me and I'd start to get to know you. Instead you walked right past me and sat with a girl with orange hair. I knew this girl and we hated each other. i felt betrayed the instant you smiled and sat with her. You started talking instantly, you were really funny, probably weird I was trying my best to listen to your guys' conversation while trying to keep an interesting one of my own. Finally the agony was over and the bell rang, time for lunch, so I sat down with my friends where we always sit (in the back corner). I'm just sitting there thinking about you, my friends are waving their hands in my face, poking me, and clapping in my ear to make sure I'm still alive. After about 10 minutes of this, I jump up and look around happily when I hear someone yell Emily. I'm not even sure why I responded when Emily isn't even my name and all my friends call me E.N., but I'm sure as hell glad I did. It was you, you and the girl with orange hair. Lucky for me as you two were approaching our table you split up and she headed out for the door. Then you came up alone and as you were sitting down by my side you called me Emily again. I don't know why but I was okay with it, usually I hate it when people call me that. So we talked for a while, it turned out we had a lot in common except that I despise the Twilight books and movies and you were obsessed with them, you're on team Edward. Later that week at the park I heard somebody yell Emily again and just as I turned around I caught a tiny glimpse of the new girl falling down. By the time I started to walk over to help you up, you sprang back to life with a smile and said hi. I would've said hi back but the dry ice in my mouth felt like a volcano on my tongue, so I smiled as best I could and waved back at you. At that moment I felt stupid because I thought that maybe you liked me too. The next week at school we spent more time with each other. We got closer and closer and the orange haired girl was slowly left by you. She didn't seem to mind, she hung out with another red-head and a beach blond haired girl. Soon you became my sister, I told you everything from crushes to family s**t. Soon I introduced you to my other friends, we became a group. No, we were a family. Side by side everyday we had every class together. Soon we started texting each other all the time, even in class, even when we were sitting next to each other, even when we were in class sitting next to each other! Soon you invited me to your birthday party, I felt horrible because I couldn't go, I was going camping the same week. You said it was okay that it didn't matter, well it wasn't okay, it did matter, to me. I felt like I let you down, I felt like a terrible friend. We were still close friends after and we even made friends with another brunette girl. Soon you guys became close, closer than we were. You two completely ignored my exsistance. My heart shattered when I heard you call her your best friend. That's when I started hanging out with my old friends. My real friends. You didn't need me, you had your own group, the brunette, the blond, and the two red-heads. Towards the end of the year we started talking again, only because you sat next to me in two classes! Only it wasn't the same this time, the orange haired girl was glued to you, I could never just talk to you, only you. Soon you started ignoring my texts and not replying in the middle of a conversation, you hung up when I called.
    The next school year came and it was all wrong. The orange haired girl started copying me and stealing your stuff, that's when me and the brunette started being friends again. We were both robbed of our best friend, the new girl, you. I was robbed of you by her and you were robbed from her by the orange haired girl. Soon the brunette became my sister. She helped me back to life when me and my boyfriend broke up after a year and 7 months, I didn't eat or talk for days, I skipped school, cried in class, sat in the only dark corner of the room and wrote dark poems, I started cutting all the time. Now I will forever have his initials carved in my wrist, A.A.T. Towards the middle of the year we started talking again, you didn't like the orange haired girl for many reasons. We started out talking about your hair, now died black, then we started talking about the little things about the brunette that annoyed us. Both of us stopped talking to the brunette the next day. We teamed up together, we were the emo and scene juggalette, what a pair we were, roaming the halls all bad-a*s. Good times with you, that is while they lasted anyways. Even though you claimed to "hate" the orange haired girl and wrote poems about her living her fake life as a lie, which was true. The orange haired girl was an attention w***e, she lied to the extreme of being homeless just to get the class to feel bad for her. She wasn't fooling me, she was cold, hard, shinny plastic. Still you chose her over me. You guys were back to the same people who treated me like crap  the year before. I told myself I would just try to be the orange haired girl's friend, but I could,t do it, I couldn't share you especially when I got the smaller half. You said we were best friends but I knew we weren't. I never have been one in your eyes, I know it. Soon came the day when you had the nerve to tell me you had a crush on the orange haired girl, I was happy you came out on being bisexual even though you were scared about people judging you. I didn't want you to get hurt the way I had in the past from coming out and telling the world I'm bi and f*****g proud of it. The fact that she didn't mind, that she just wanted to be friends with you, made you like her as person even more. Then came a night when you told me you liked me, you kind of asked me out but I rejected. I was flattered, but I couldn't go through with it. not after the way you treated me, I also had an unbreakable crush on a girl. It was okay if the orange haired girl just wanted to be friends, but I wasn't allowed to be "just friends" with you? You shunned me for days on end, there goes the little once of sorrow I had, you basically just threw my appology out the window and into a tigers mouth. In English class I sat silently next to you, curled up in a ball against a corner on the wall, once again I didn't eat or talk for days. Then in the middle of about half an hour of you and the orange haired girl talking, the blond girl kept yelling and you to look at me until you did. I was curled up, knees to my chest with cheeks wet from tears and my eyes red and still dripping from the pain of rejection from the one girl I had an unbreakable crush on, I loved her. I looked up from my knees at you with the most wicked glare I could put on. You looked at my for a split second before turning around to the orange haired girl. It wasn't until my newest friend the black haired girl across from you said that I looked dead, that you said something to me. You scooted your chair closer and I emotionlessly ripped out a page in my notebook in my notebook that I had graffitied my crushes name on, I crumpled it up, handed it to you and flatly asked if you could throw it away. You unwravled it saw it was my crushes name, folded it neatly and stuck it in your binder, only to leave me to my corner of tears to keep conversating with the orange haired girl. It was silent the rest of the class aside from my occasional sniffle. You continued to ignore me and leave me alone. Then out of the blue you asked if I wanted to see a movie with you, I was happy to at first, then you said it was because the orange haired girl couldn't go with you anymore, so you had an extra ticket. I felt so very special to be your backup option. After the movie and about 7 rounds of air-hockey, you still ignored me, you still hung out with the orange haired girl. I tried to hang out with you but most of the time I was excluded by the orange haired girl or you just pretended I wasn't there. That's cool I don't mind I'll be just outside of school by myself if you need me. I'll just be over there you know across the street sitting in the rain, no hood, I like it because then people can't tell that I'm crying. I'll just be walking around listening to my screamo on full blast, hopefully I'll go deaf so I don't have to hear your s**t anymore. Oh look now we're all caught up with reality which has held many tears from the fact that no, I'm still not over my crush and after rejection and her hating me, me and her were starting to mend our friendship. Do you care? Probably not, you could care less about my life, me, or anything that has to do with me. You are still owned by the orange haired girl, as if she was the one to smile when little timid you walked in the door, starting late in the beginning of the year. It was nice being your play toy, thanks for all the lies.

Sincerely,
that scene girl.

Author's Note

woke up at 3 in the morning to write this
Inspiration: fell asleep listening to Last Kiss by Pearl Jam