Chapter Fourteen

Ryan dreams about his past, so chapter has a flashback from when he was a girl in New York city. (In italics)

The city lights were shining in my face. I held my hand over my eyes to see where I was going. The roar of the taxis roared behind me, and the drivers of those taxis were pissed off. All this traffic was making them angry. I smiled to myself, for this was my home. Oh, how I loved New York City! No one could remember another's face when at first meeting. Alex tightened his arm around my shoulders. This was our second date: he was taking me to this new club that opened up by 42nd street.

 

The sign above the door was glowing in  bright neon colors: The Dancing Apple. The name seemed a bit retarded, but I had heard so many things about this place. I had just turned sixteen this past spring (April 24th), but Alex was going to get me in there: he promised that to me. He spoke to the guy and explained that I was with him. I didn't notice as Alex passed him a twenty on the way in.

 

After the first drink, everything was foggy. I was told often how easily drunk I was, but did I ever do anything as stupid as I did that night? I was going about like an idiot doing God knows what. Alex found me dancing with some pole and led me into the other room. The room was dark, and quiet. No one was there, and the closed door shut out their noise.

 

I lay sprawled about the large bed in there. If I wasn't drunk, I'd have known why I was there. I had heard rumors about a room in a club Alex had to use for himself. Before my drunk self knew it, Alex was pressing himself against me. All I could feel was his weight pushing down on me. Then it was black...

 

Of course I realized what happened the next morning. That was the moment I knew I was just like the other girls to him. I was nothing special. That was the moment the magic was gone. I felt so betrayed... so used... I wanted to start my life over... pretend I wasn't me. I felt ashamed.

 

Alex told me he loved me. More than any other girl he's been with. We were going to be together forever. How long would that last? When the new hot girl moves in, it's over. He'll want her and I'll be the one getting hurt. Alex... he made me feel like being me wasn't enough. I couldn't be more, could I? For a long time, I didn't want to be Rachel Green. When we moved, I really did want to change.

 

I awoke as I realized my wish came true: I wasn't Rachel Green anymore. I was no longer the shadow of my problems, or the tears of my pain... I wasn't going to let go of my weak grasp of life; I would make it stronger.

 

A secret side of me nobody knew was hidden for so long. I ached for the day someone would find it. I thought my secret side wouldn't be admired by others. I've decided to stop caring what others think. I will no longer be ashamed of myself... no longer. I won't feel this pain anymore, this pain of wanting to be someone else. Stella granted my secret wish. She made me feel confident, she saw me without seeing me, she...

 

... she made me Ryan Green.

Author's Note

ignore the typos!