Chapter Twelve

Ryan's all bent out of shape from his mother's death. This chapter takes place about two weeks after that.

School was torture. Not the fact that I was being bullied or some stupid s**t. I hated going. Getting up out of bed was tiring to me. Something had taken over my body completely, and it wasn't me. We were sitting in first period, Derek and I. There was a substitute teacher today, so we weren't doing work. I was resting my elbow on the desk, my cheek on my palm. Derek looked at me sincerely. "You gonna be okay?" he asked.

 

"I'll be fine," I lied.

 

I closed my eyes slowly. Maybe if I shut it out, it'll go away. By "it," I mean this feeling. This horrible feeling of fault, of remorse. It's that feeling anyone would get if someone close to them had died. I heard a few girls' voices behind me, "Is he okay?"

 

I heard one voice over all others, and it was right behind me, "Ryan?"

 

I turned to find Alex behind me. "I heard what happened," she said. "I'm really sorry."

 

Derek glared at her for a moment. She seemed to show up everywhere, and it was pissing my friends off, I guess. Alex wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a hug. It was a lot like this the rest of the day.

 

I got home a bit early, seeing as I headed off as soon as the bell rang. I skipped going back to my locker, for I didn't mind carrying my own books. I came in to see my dad was actually home. "Hey, Dad," I greeted.

 

He looked over from the television to me." Oh, hey," he said.

 

I waved before going up to my room. Things have only been going downhill since Mom died about a week or so ago. I laid on my back, on my bed. Soft as usual. I felt like something was pulling me out of the room. I ignored the feeling and remained there. I glanced out my window. There was a large oak tree by my window.

 

I watched as a bird landed on its nest. I envied that bird. Birds could fly about as they pleased. No other birds stalking them and all. There is only one thing to worry about: whether they are still alive or not. I wonder what it would be like to be a bird. Probably nice... "Ryan!" I heard my dad call. "Visitor!"

 

My poor Dad probably had it more than I do. He loved Mom, that's why he married her. Then he has to deal with me. I'm still shocked he got used to using my name. He also has all responsibilities of being a single parent: work, me, and mourning. It wasn't fair. I waited while my apparent visitor came upstairs. They opened the door and came in. I looked over to see Alex standing there.

Author's Note

Anyone worried about what may happen? oh, and ignore typos!