Unhallowed holy water

I edge into the shallow water.

A moss-engulfed stone my high altar.

Ankle deep

it seeps

into impenetrable pores

seeking the cause

of my tainted effects,

of my malignant defects.

The transparency leaves nowhere to hide.

Every mark and scar magnified,

but distorted, unaligned,

chaotic like the mind

which curses time

unable-unworthy-to find

within the artificial shrine

any form or kind

of help that...

Blood.

Dark like wine.

Thick and warm.

Spreading like poison.

Like snakes poised

preparing to dine.

It holds no hope of salvation.

The blood is false.

The blood is mine.

The blood is bait.

I chose waters that were too shallow.

I balanced on rocks that were too sharp.

You have to be immersed

to free yourself from the curse;

vulnerable, isolated

and open to being recreated.

I was none of those things.

That's why I wasn't surprised to feel the sting.

Why do I have no fear? How?

I am surrounded now,

crimson neck deep.

The sweet irony 

that I'm finally immersed

is shadowed by the realisation

that I never learnt to swim.

Author's Note

I'm not quite sure where this came from but in the end it seemed to express my fear of not having a commitment to religion before death better than I ever could in conversation. Any reviews are greatly appreciated. I really just wanted to share my thoughts.

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Great write – really thought provoking! The wordplay, format and stanza flow create an imagery, atmosphere and poignancy for the reader to contemplate and reflect upon. Do we flow through life on a multi-series of happenstances or are we guided by an invisible force beyond our feeble comprehension. Your words resonate this ponderous most succinctly – Kudos …

[Chris]

You succeeded in the sharing. The sense of being drawn in - further and farther along... and the parallel of self destruction all the while. I didn't feel the lack of Faith issue though - I only felt the readiness and williingness for self- ending.

This had a "cutters" taste. Bleed for Me type of Mantra.

[Suhd]

Original and thought provoking and the use of some really dark images has given it a tendency to inspire.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i was raised
Catholic, was an altar boy, the whole nine yards...but i gradually grew away from organized religion...saw too much hypocrisy...shallow lives lived viciously all week, then that magic confession on saturday and communion on sunday...then back at it all again on monday...as if going through those motions would really save us---it is living the walk, not talking the talk.
this poem makes me think of how and why i became detached...and how holy water just seems part of a ritual now.
so well worded here...i really like how you put your poems together---i travel within them.
j.

[Sarah's words]

This is really beautiful... I've never read a poem quite like this before! Written with so much wiseness and deep thought. And also, my dear, there's no need to commit to any religion before death... if it's meant to be, it will come with time, or you will find your own beliefs and piece within yourself :) Keep doing you, just as you are.

Thank you, Emma!

[emmajoy]

When someone can write thoughts like this when still finding one of the many coats worn in life, then, you are already there .. here.. present. When a person starts to wonder what if.. where.. when and how.. then the answer is waiting to be found. It arrives, like Love, spreading its wings till you find.. something so special you ask questions. look into eyes/spirit and transcribe what is there. A discovery if called anoter time.. Incredible writing, intricate, profound, searching.. mature.

Thank you, thank you - for sharing, Emma.

[Alfred Kukitz]

overwhelmed by your age and power of thought. you should do well in any endeavor a mind such as yours feels it own thunder.

regards,
al

[Emma]

Thankyou so much your kind words will really stick with me

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

There is power in the blood and you will not need to be able to know how to swim because your lifeguard walks in water- the price was pain the blood was shed- immersed in it shall set you free- bring victory- amazing words and inner truths - the knowing of your spirit even if you have no knowledge- wonderful🌹

[Emma]

Thankyou so much for this understanding comment, I remain in hope that the lifeguard you speak of will see me drowning, or more so that I'll have the ability to ask and accept his help. Much love Em

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

He never leaves you or deserts you and is only as far as you are from him- much love and blessings🌹

[.]

Reading this, your author's note makes complete sense to me.

This reads like being baptised in a river where you are cursed and bled for your sins of not conforming in heart and soul with the ideals of the ritual. Giving in to the ways and views of a religion without having true faith and belief. Something we all deal with at some point of our lives. Driven by fear of our demise we find ourselves reaching for remnants of faith that we hope will save our unbelieving souls in what lies beyond this life journey. They say every man calls out for God on his deathbed, and perhaps this is where this poem is coming from. Awareness of mortality. The rigid immorality of today's religions doesnt help to aid your understanding, I'd imagine. As i see it, once we come to terms with the fact of dying, God, religion, all the rest, becomes obsolete. The power is in the knowing and the acceptance of finality.

This is another deeply thoughtful write, Emma. Tackling your thoughts and wrestling with one's conscience ensures we mature and grow as our life unfolds. In time, I am sure you will learn to swim, and swim in the waters that make you comfortable.

[Emma]

Thank you so much for understanding and for your kind words, I hope that in time I will reach this same point of contentment and acceptance that you beautifully describe

[Lorry]

Yes, I see a connection between your words and comments, that I feel too. Your words read like a fear dream, where the worry is magnified by the thought of making or not making the right/ correct/ proper choices that may be expected of us. Being in a strange place with a feeling of being out of our depth, or unable to see what others do. It is a conundrum.
Your words flow beautifully, questioning what the right choice is. I have never found an answer either, but am happy to be ignorant until I learn otherwise. :)

[Emma]

Thank you and heres to hoping that one day the questions will become clearer or at least partially so : )

[Lorry]

I'll settle for partial. A one eyed guy can still see, right? :)