First Love...

The passion felt at the beginning, the dawning realisation, its the weakness of the human soul, the one thing that it beholds.

There is a heart in the deception,

A sweet in the pain.

There is life in the lifeless,

And kindness in the vain.

There are many different walks of life,

None of which are the same.

But each and every one of them,

Will always follow the roads in which they came.

See there is knowledge in the past,

Excitement in the future,

And there is a love in the present,

That will always remain.

The one you love first,

Is the burden you will always carry.

Your first love will never leave your heart,

Even if a knife was plunged through it.

Your soul holds tight to the memory,

The first big emotion it had ever felt.

No matter how hard you try,

That love will never fall through.

Author's Note

Dedicated to the one who taught me to love, you will always be in my heart forever...

Reviews

[Sean]

Hi there, I love the concept of first love, and how you tried to bring forth the fact that it remains a constant in our lives. Very emotional. A couple of suggestions though, I hope I'm not too much of an intruson.

"A sweet in the pain", might perhaps sound better as "A sweetness in the pain", I believe that would be grammatically more accurate as well.

"Will always follow the roads in which they came.", might be better as "Will always follow the roads by which they came", you come by a road, not in a road, or so I think it should be.

"See there is knowledge in the past,", Why is there a "see" in front? Wouldn't it be better without it? "There is knowledge in the past."

"And there is a love in the present," might be better as "But there is a love in the present", because you are comparing the present to the past, and the future.

"Is the burden you will always carry.", I'd recommend it as "Is a burden you will always carry", because it fits better. That's just my opinion though, I just feel that "The" has a very heavy emphasis attached to the word, whereas, love lingers. Thus, it's 'a' part of your life, which is always there, but not immediately there...You know what I mean?

"Even if a knife was plunged through it." might be better as "Even if a knife were plunged through it." because 'was' refers to an act that has already happened, whereas, 'were' is refers to the possibility of it happening. Sorry, don't mean to be a grammer Nazi, but your poem would be even better!

"The first big emotion it had ever felt." could be "That first emotion it had ever felt", because you want an emphasis on this momentous event, that life changing emotion. Therefore it's not just 'the', but rather 'THAT' emotion. :D

I hope you don't mind my recommendations. :P I like your poem, and it was well expressed!

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks for the advice, I do enjoy recommendations sometimes, but unless I make a serious mistake or a spelling mistake or something I do hate to change it. I have no control over what I write, and somehow it just works, perhaps not up to lyrical standards but i'm only 17 :) I never claimed to be a genius, thanks anyways :)

[Katelyn]

The first 8 lines are beautiful. I reread them over and over. It is true that true love never dies. Great message and wonderful write!

[Lina Grey]

"There are many different walks of life,
None of which are the same.
But each and every one of them,
Will always follow the roads in which they came."
My favorite lines. I love how your poem seemed to start being about life in general, then zoned in on love. It's true that you never forget your first, something I've only just discovered. I used to be so confused about why people coudln't seem to get over someone who was obviously not right for them, but now I understand, as truely as your poem tells it. A very emotional and well written piece. Thank you.

[Sugar and Spice]

haha thank-you! To be honest, this was meant to be about life and then it suddenly morphed into love lol... Thank-you and you're welcome

[Lina Grey]

Life and love tend to be quite similar, I think. You can't really have one without the other. It's a beautiful piece, and I can see how it relates to both topics. Thank you.

[Tai Ryens]

This is deep and expressed a love that will always pain somebody forever. I felt every strong emotion pierce me as I read this, well done.

[Sugar and Spice]

Thank-you :)

[Dez H.]

Oh s**t ms lady That was deep. Yeah i'll always remember my 1st one too. Didnt end good but i'll still never forget her. You have a way with words that bring me into anything that you write. Keep it up cause you can put words together like legos.
You are talented.

[Sugar and Spice]

hahaha I have to say I love it how you call me "ms lady" lol... I'm sorry to hear that, i hope you have some good memories of her you remember tho :) and thank-you so much, it means a lot :)

[The Shadow of the Dawn]

great write love is a hard then to put in words but youve don't

[Sugar and Spice]

Thank-you :)