Castle in the Sky

Love can set you free, even of yourself

 

 

♡♥♡

 

She was the loneliest little girl in the world

With not a friend to call her own

Living on the edge of existence, the peak of humanity

She built a castle and called it home

 

In the sky above her head it sat

With graceful white spires reaching tall

Decorated with exotic flowers

And with a great spiral staircase in the hall

 

Crystals furnished the castle rooms

And the chiming noise of silver bells

Rang out and echoed almost like voices

Whispering their enchanting spells

 

The sun always shone on her castle

And it sparkled and glistened in the light

It’s walls were made of thick white glass

That glowed prettier than the moon at night

 

The little girl lived in her secret castle

Her huge, beautiful castle in the sky

And while she was still a lonely little girl

She was safe way up there on high

 

And then one summer day

When heat made the roses smelt divine

A young boy looked up and saw the floating palace

And he stayed very still watching for a long time

 

He then vowed to go to the castle

And see what was trapped inside

And so he dreamt and he dreamt

And finally, at that very castle he arrived

 

He was taken aback by its grand architecture

Fell in love with its beauty and grace

And he turned and saw that very splendour

Mirrored in the little girl’s face

 

 She was fearful and yet curious

Struck by his handsome and gentle stance

She knew it was time to say goodbye

As she fell into his outstretched arms

 

And so that little girl left her castle

Her cold, beautiful castle in the sky

It’s abandoned now, but you can still see it

If you open your mind and try

 

♡♥♡

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Don Coorough]

Very nice! I really enjoy the way you just let go and give free vent to whatever you feel! The place you describe becomes utterly real in my mind's eye through your descriptions and through the emotional content. Great use of tone and voice. There is a nice singing quality to the poem as well. Excellent! - EllisD

[Raja]

When I am alone and deep in thoght,I used to see the sky. It gives me food for thought. Like, your poem paints a familiar-but-new sensation in me. It is simple, organized, and emotive. It takes me deep inside with its so powerful, yet plain, words.

"Her cold, beautiful castle in the sky

It's abandoned now, but you can still see it

If you open your mind and try"

I love this portion very much.

Thank You.

Raja.

[An owl on the moon]

Such deeply moving and emotive words, full of beauty and grace... Your image transports the reader instantly to another place and time... Magical in every way!!!

[Celtic Cat]

How utterly enchanting. Very sweet story, a poetic fairy tale, if you will. It's great. I think the flow could use a little tightening up in a place or two but otherwise the piece was flawless. I love your description above it as well.....it's a loaded statement. : )
And I can completely relate to the beauty......I'm a Libra...we're all about the pretty things. I see it everywhere, too, even in the ugliest of places. : )
Excellent piece!

[Edmond Dantes]

i read your poem, because of the title--which is one of my favorite songs by Jimi Hendrix, you have heard it --yes? I liked your story poem, well done---"It's walls were made of thick white glass

That glowed prettier than the moon at night" --i don't know of anything prettier than the moon at night, but that's just me. haha

[Hannah!]

I love the sky, too. Summer afternoons are best spent lying on a blanket staring up at the blue, and trying to find words to describe its splendor. I'm not convinced that these words don't exist--however, if they are out there, I have yet to find them.

That aside, I loved this poem. It was really beautiful--and it portrayed a rather interesting part of the human experience in a really accurate way. I'm not sure I've met a single person yet who isn't a bit prone to building castles in the sky, and sometimes it takes someone else's influence to get us down out of them. I think what I really loved about your castle was that you said it was reflected in the girl herself--the creation was a part of the creator. I mean, obviously--everything you create is going to be a part of you, right? But it was still a rather original way of thinking about castles in the sky (something I think about surprisingly often)--that, whatever the castle is, it would be so much a part of you, that to see the castle, you would see the castle's architect. Interesting stuff.

And I love what you did with the rhyming in this poem. For one thing, it sounds so natural--I love rhyming poetry, but I can't write it for the life of me. I thought it was particularly powerful that you dropped the poem in the second to last stanza, though. It makes it almost impossible to not notice, simply because it seems off from the rest of the poem...but the effect (affect? I always get those two mixed up) was, to me, really...strong. I've always thought that rhyme gives any poem a sort of childlike, innocent feel, and by dropping the rhyme, it sort of solidified a feeling of...growing up in the little girl. I guess that sounds kind of silly, and I know I tend to over analyze, but if that was an accident on your part, it was a very beautiful one.

There were a few lines in this poem that struck me as off in terms of the rhythm. It was nothing big, just a misplaced (or missing) word here or there that would throw off individual lines, but did nothing to negate the overall beauty of the poem.

Sorry for blabbering on so much, haha. Suffice it to say that I think this is an excellent piece.

[WordMaster]

The very first line takes hold of you and keeps you in the poem
and the moment until the end.

The third paragraph is splendid and powerful

The pace and structure of the poem could not have been better

I don't possess enough talent to compose a line or two that would
tell the world, how compelling this poem truly is�

Brilliantly done

Bravo

[Adela Muresan]

This exceptionally beautiful.

Apart form the superb imagery, I love the romantic onirical poetical imaginary.

The pic was a great idea, pity that sot may poets use pictures like that one.

A.M.