He's a rebel

Loving the classical bad boy is dangerous on all levels

 He’s a rebel

 

 

 

♥♥♥

 

‘He’s not marrying material,’ my Daddy said

‘So don’t get romantic fantasies stuck in your head!’

So in my red red dress I snuck out at night

To meet my love under pale moonlight.

 

We ride on his metal stallion fast down the street

The colour he brings makes me feel complete.

He’s perfect, asides from his recklessness and speed

I can’t let anything take away the boy I need.

 

Those teeth in that smile, oh, take me please!

Even his touch makes me weak at the knees!

That leather jacket on that strong, sturdy back,

Smooth and looked after and dangerously black.

 

My school texts books have his name in pink ink

Other girls are jealous but I don't care what they think.

I do care when he and his gang get into crazy fights-

I care so much it keeps me awake at night.

 

He returns from battle, bleeding and grinning

Even though I'm pissed, he has my head spinning!

We roll around on green grass and he cures my woe

By filling me with ecstasy from head to toe.

 

His eyes are an electric blue that can pierce the soul

And when he moves his hips to rock and roll

I feel myself drowning in strong desire.

I feel myself melting in  his wild fire.

 

He looks so pure and golden when we make love

Because he’s an angel from way up above.

 As he holds me in his strong arms and nibbles my ear,

The sound of our teen hearts beating is all I can hear.

 

On his mighty flame-orange bike he drops me off from school

Looking sexy as hell and effortlessly cool.

I wave and watch proudly as he heads on back,

Totally in love with the leader of the pack.

 

All of a sudden

CRASH!

SMASH!

SCREECH!

 

 

As an ambulance wail begins to holler,

My life slowly drains of colour

 

...And as the wail of sirens rings in my ears

I’m suddenly seized by a rush of tears

The ambulance wails, I fall to my knees

But no one heard my heart-felt pleas...

 

He was taken away from me on that one day

Sending my life into complete disarray.

I won’t eat, I won’t sleep until he’s back in my arms,

Wooing me sweetly with his bad-boy charms.

 

My  wild rebel was like an angel from above.

It’s no wonder how deeply I fell in love!

I have to be good, he has returned to the heavens high

 

...but I wish I had the chance to say goodbye...

 

♥♥♥

 

 

Reviews

[Patrick Davies]

maybe when she dies, they'll meet again. It's great, the whole colour thing. It helps with the story because it seems like it would be written in pretty colours in a note book by some heartbroken teen. I loved the experimentation with size also in this poem. I also loved your bio by the way. It has a very effective repeted line at the end.

[JohnL]

You've put a lot of work and effort into this and I wish you well in the competitions. There are some good ideas too, certainly, the colour inserts brighten it up though beware yellow as it is difficult to read. Some of the rhyming is a bit contrived, I'm afraid and in a poem virtually completely consisting of rhyming couplets, this is hard to avoid. It would be interesting to hear how it sounded if you tried to get your rhymes on alternate lines. Of course it's too big a job to adapt this, but try it in a future poem, and try to tighten up your rythm by counting syllables. Total accuracy isn't necessary - syllables can be merged like 'iour' and can be one or two depending how you say it, but unless you're after a very special effect, poetry needs to flow along smoothly, and as I have said before, it is better to miss the odd rhyme than for the chosen word to look like a desperate attempt to find one. This is a good poem, almost narrative and with some interesting twists. Keep writing and experimenting as you have here. The points I raise, though comments on this one, are really more suggestions to consider for your next one. Another thing to try (I often do it - see my poacher set) is to write in different modes - short story, sonnet, blank verse, narrative poetry and rhymed, all on the same story then see which you like the most. It is both interesting and instructive. You can also buy a book (cheap) on the various forms if you are not sure of them. I never stop referring to mine - some of the forms are quite complicated - villanelle, for instance (See Dylan Thomas - 'Do not go gentle into that good night'). It has system but takes a bit of remembering.

[Nova]

Wow, this was really good. I loved how you put the the colors into the poem describing the feelings and appearances. It was really cute and sad. Perfect!

[Hannah!]

This was very sweet and sad. It reminded me of the song Leader of the Pack, which I only knew because I sang it in a musical in ninth grade. I loved the color. It added a lot to the poem, I thought. There were times when the rhymes seemed almost forced and when the rhythm wasn't as pronounced as it was in the rest of the poem, but on the whole, I really enjoyed reading this. It was nice. ^_^