He's a rebel

Loving the classical bad boy is dangerous on all levels

 He’s a rebel

 

 

 

♥♥♥

 

‘He’s not marrying material,’ my Daddy said

‘So don’t get romantic fantasies stuck in your head!’

So in my red red dress I snuck out at night

To meet my love under pale moonlight.

 

We ride on his metal stallion fast down the street

The colour he brings makes me feel complete.

He’s perfect, asides from his recklessness and speed

I can’t let anything take away the boy I need.

 

Those teeth in that smile, oh, take me please!

Even his touch makes me weak at the knees!

That leather jacket on that strong, sturdy back,

Smooth and looked after and dangerously black.

 

My school texts books have his name in pink ink

Other girls are jealous but I don't care what they think.

I do care when he and his gang get into crazy fights-

I care so much it keeps me awake at night.

 

He returns from battle, bleeding and grinning

Even though I'm pissed, he has my head spinning!

We roll around on green grass and he cures my woe

By filling me with ecstasy from head to toe.

 

His eyes are an electric blue that can pierce the soul

And when he moves his hips to rock and roll

I feel myself drowning in strong desire.

I feel myself melting in  his wild fire.

 

He looks so pure and golden when we make love

Because he’s an angel from way up above.

 As he holds me in his strong arms and nibbles my ear,

The sound of our teen hearts beating is all I can hear.

 

On his mighty flame-orange bike he drops me off from school

Looking sexy as hell and effortlessly cool.

I wave and watch proudly as he heads on back,

Totally in love with the leader of the pack.

 

All of a sudden

CRASH!

SMASH!

SCREECH!

 

 

As an ambulance wail begins to holler,

My life slowly drains of colour

 

...And as the wail of sirens rings in my ears

I’m suddenly seized by a rush of tears

The ambulance wails, I fall to my knees

But no one heard my heart-felt pleas...

 

He was taken away from me on that one day

Sending my life into complete disarray.

I won’t eat, I won’t sleep until he’s back in my arms,

Wooing me sweetly with his bad-boy charms.

 

My  wild rebel was like an angel from above.

It’s no wonder how deeply I fell in love!

I have to be good, he has returned to the heavens high

 

...but I wish I had the chance to say goodbye...

 

♥♥♥

 

 

Reviews

[Patrick Davies]

maybe when she dies, they'll meet again. It's great, the whole colour thing. It helps with the story because it seems like it would be written in pretty colours in a note book by some heartbroken teen. I loved the experimentation with size also in this poem. I also loved your bio by the way. It has a very effective repeted line at the end.

[Omar]

I just had to read this again. Emily, you truly are filmmaking material.
Lots and lots of love,
O

[JR]

Yep, you told a story there� it was fairly effective. You kept up the narrative from the get-go, a sort of crazy mix of Grease and West Side Story. It's a fairly familiar tale, and one that I've heard actually does ring true with women� those bad boys always seem to get the girls weak in the knees. Also, your rhyming was consistent, and you kept the scansion fairly even, allowing the read to flow smoothly. Nice job there� not easily done.

Let me admit a bias� I don't really like rhyming poems because of the way that they dictate word selection. Unless they're done extremely well, they come off sounding like a Hallmark card, and you are forced to use words that make the rhyme, not ones that say what you're really feeling. I think you hit some very good periods in this piece, where the rhyming was seamless and added to the overall effect:

"Those teeth in that smile, oh, take me please!
Even his touch makes me weak at the knees!
That leather jacket on that strong, sturdy back,
Smooth and looked after and dangerously black."

I think that really worked, and the rhyming wasn't a distraction but rather a very pleasant way to control pace and effect of the poem. On the other hand:

"He looks so pure and golden when we make love
Because he's an angel from way up above.
As he holds me in his strong arms and nibbles my ear,
The sound of our teen hearts beating is all I can hear."

seems to have an opposite effect, spoiling the overall effect of the poem because, honestly, it's edging into greeting card territory. It seems that, instead of speaking from the heart and the unique perspective you have to offer, you're saying the things you think the readers expect to hear.

That leads into the next point: clich�. A lot of the descriptions you use seem to come from the Standard Book of Poetic Words. Look at: "pale moonlight," "returns from battle," "filling me with ecstasy," "the leader of the pack," etc. I don't know if using these words was intentional� for me, it just didn't work. I've read that too much already� I've heard those descriptions, and I don't want to hear them again. What I'm looking for when I read poetry is a new voice, a new way of looking at the world. You have seen things, done things, and thought in a way that I can't even begin to comprehend. The way you interpret the world is vastly different from the way I do. If you want to make this poem more effective, use that. Take the things you've seen and put them in your own unique voice to give me something I haven't seen before. That works as a better, sharper hook, something that will catch your readers and drag them into your vision.

A note on color: Up until now, I've thought it was gimmicky. I thought a poem should be good enough to stand on it's own with standard black and white, and that, if you needed color to spice it up, there was something inherently flawed with the piece. You've shown me that's not always the case� the way you used color enhanced the poem rather than distracting the reader from it, and that was very impressive.

I think you've got a lot going with this piece, and encourage you to keep toying with it. Keep the rhyming, the color, and the feel of the piece, but tweak the language into something that defines you, rather than allowing the past vernacular to define you, dig?

[Little Mouse]

Very enjoyable! Thanks to Celtic Cat for sending along. Hmm, I wonder how she knew I'd like this? : )
-:3 )~~~

[Nikkikid48]

Love the ending....although superficially it seems like a simple little rhyme and that it is very childlike i see a lot more depth here...it reminds me soooo much of the style of 50's music as those these are the lyrics to some bubble gum doo wop heart break song....its a great style and you ran with it.....its hard to pull off but with the rhyme schemes scenery and your use of fonts and color it pops off the page literally....i love it...it embodies everything the genre is in its simple school girl with rose colored glasses....ending is great...and i looooove the imagery....the jacket the descriptions....good job....i see someone wanting this as the lyrics to a retro movement album or the premise to a movie :)

[Tenten]

this gave me shivers, the flow and beat are strong always going there's not an uncomfortable hault. it's very good but makes me sad. you imagery and the way the story is told are beautiful though.

[Omar]

Holy!
The bad-boy image you've depicted is like.. wow. So hot.. so steamy ;) But the ending kind of hit me in the face. Did he have to die? Why? he was so.. perfect in every way! I just adored this poem, kept me going till the very end.
He truly is a rebel...
O

[...]

I love that song and your poem! :]

I like how you mix different colors and font sizes in your poems; makes them even more enjoyable to read! ^^

[bluessadmood]

very nice writing,i enjoyed it,fully ,simple sweet and colorful,M

[Damien Dsoul]

It's beautiful, pure and simple. Deftly and eloquently written, the story-telling, along with your font colours sure makes it even lovable a prose.