Toxic

Basically a rant...

When I first started High School I had no idea what I wanted to do for a career. I figured it would be something to do with art but I wasn't sure. I started a Youtube Channel and I quickly became obsessed with it. I was creating stupid fan made music videos for a band I liked and apparently other people liked them as well because now my channel has over 1 million views and I haven't even touched it in years. That whole experience is what made me pursue film, graphic design, photography, and marketing because I liked the feeling of people enjoying my work. Now when I was in High School I became friends with this girl who had similar ambitions, she wanted to be a famous singer. Our friendship quickly blossomed, as we both liked the same type of music. However, that friendship did not turn out to be everything I thought it was going to be. 

One summer, at the height of our friendship, we spent pretty much all of our time together, sleepovers, shopping, movies, and everything else. We were inseparable all summer. Then we went back to school and she sort of distanced herself from me, which I kinda expected... I mean we spent the whole summer together... we needed some time apart. But months after school had started she still was not around much. I started to get mad because she was spending so much time with one of her other friends that I really did not like. So I did the thing that most teenagers do and I started talking about that girl my friend was hanging out with to my other friends. Well, I assume that information got back to her because now we really hated each other. 

Then the unthinkable happened. I got a call from my friend crying, and she explained that her parents are getting a divorce. I told her that everything was going to be ok, I just went through a divorce with my parents and it is going to suck for awhile but it will get better. So I spent about a week consoling her and saying that I understand how she feels and how I am sorry... meanwhile, she is texting me every night about the latest drama in her life and how she isn't happy and how she doesn't know why she pushes people away. She was basically going through a mental breakdown. So I told her that it was going to be ok.... when someone is sad and upset I try my best to assure them that they are going to be alright. Well, unbeknownst to me she had been writing about me on her Tumblr page. She was saying how I was not helping her and that did not understand... and there was at least 5 or 6 post like this... her ranting about how I was basically the worst thing ever. 

It broke me. 

I sat there and read all of her posts 5 times each because I could not believe that this was happening. I had failed. 

I have never read such mean thoughts about myself and I just could not believe it. 

After that, it was all a blur. I completely lost my mind. I had set out on a mission to hurt her as bad as she hurt me. I hacked into her Tumblr account and deleted the whole blog, which was something that she coveted dearly. I created fake Twitter accounts and harassed her and I even created a fake boyfriend to make her jealous. I literally had a meltdown that lead to a dark downward spiral. I had never been hurt that bad and I had no idea how to handle it. I know that my actions were not acceptable but that didn't stop me from doing them. 

Then after I had been doing this for awhile I began to hate myself. I hated what I had become. I hated that she made me this upset. I hated that she had betrayed me. But most of all I hated her for making me hate myself. 

I know that I should not blame her for everything, but if she would have just not been so mean to me nothing like this would have happened. I was a stupid teenager that didn't know how to react when you best friend suddenly turns on you. 

By the time the school year came to a close we had reconciled our differences and decided to be friends again. We agreed that we had both played dirty and started a stupid fight that lead to a bunch of little fights.. we agreed to move on and continue to be friends. 

But to be completely honest I didn't. I was sick of all the games and knew I wanted to stop and I didn't want this awkwardness any longer. I mean we went to the same school and saw each other every day. It was just not smart to hold a grudge. But I told myself to never trust her again. To never let my guard down and if something like this happened again to back out and just stop being friends. 

And it took a few years, we had graduated and everything... but it happened again. This time I was prepared. I just stopped. 

We were supposed to go to a concert together and I just opted out of that. I had enough. I was sick of walking on eggshells and all the drama. I was literally done. A few months later I sent her a message explaining how I want things to remain cordial in the future if we run into each other and how I was no longer mad... and I didn't want to explain anything or start anything. I simply wanted her to know that I don't hate her but I still don't want to be friends. But that turned around and bit me in the a*s because she blamed me for everything that went wrong. Everything was always my fault... so instead of going off the deep end... I just didn't respond. We have not spoken since. 

I found myself stalking her social media and becoming increasingly angry with every post... for really no reason I just grew to hate her. So I unfollowed her and blocked her on everything I could think of. This time I was serious when I said I was done. I am sick of all the negativity and constant competition... I wanted her completely out of my life. I just couldn't take it anymore. 

So that is the story of how toxic people will never change. They will always take but never give. 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I am very proud of you for being so brutally honest about both sides of this story. That takes courage, but self-honesty is at the basis of all good writing. Your story is relatable & I've seen many versions of this in all different areas of life. You told just enuf of the details to make this crystal clear, but not ranting on & on & digging up every little grudge. You summarized the situation perfectly & understandably. This experience reminds me of the reason I use "block" -- not so much to keep the other person from bothering me, but to keep myself from paying attention to whatever another person is doing, when I don't need that person in my life anymore. It's very hurtful to disappear from someone's life without explanation, but it seems these days, it's impossible to explain, without this being used against us. So it turns out to be better to just walk away, I think.

[M.E.Lyle]

These things always seem to get so twisted around leading to unintentional consequences. Sometimes the best response to mean and hurtful comments is no response. It keeps your opponent thinking...what the heck are you up to? It bugs the bejesus out of them.
Remember, everytime you make a hurtful reply, you allow yourself become like your enemy, mean and hateful.

[JoeM]

I just hope your story is fictional, however, it is very well told.
In case it's not, then I definitely advise you to make no firm beliefs abourt your experience that could bite you in the a*s at some future time. Each relationship, is that relationship. It is not intelligent to equate one episode with all others. There are marvelous people out there, I hope you meet many of them.

[Chris A Jones]

I'm no psychologists and of course. You invested a lot of time in negativity with this individual. It's a good thing you have moved on from this. Don't let it eat you up inside though. Hatred towards someone else never works for the hater.

[Ashish]

That was really nasty..
But we have to accept the fact no matter how bitter it supposed to be..
I also felt that, but I have no fault in my friendship...

[Joan Davis]

I think this is something very relatable. I personally removed myself from social media in highschool because I watched similar stories like this unfold around me. Like the portrayal of relationships online ruined the actual thing. You told it very well.

[OCT]

Crazy story, thanks for opening up. Sounds like your better staying away from one another

[matrixmark]

Really good short piece about social media. I am personally not a fan of social media. I loved this piece though. Very well written and felt compelled to read it.

Mark.