Ten Years

I sat in the forest clearing, the sweet smell of grass filling my nose while the wind rushed through the trees making the sun dance. In the middle of the clearing sat a big oak tree, its branches twisting in all directions, and there against the tree was Sam.

Sam’s black hair swayed with the wind as he kept his head down, eyes focused on his sketch below, a knitted gray scarf wrapped loosely around his neck. We rarely spoke, but somehow we still understood each other.  

Ten years have passed since then, but I never stopped thinking about that day. The last day I saw him, the day before he left the note. The short note with only three small words written on it.

“I’ll be back”, I said aloud. Everyone in the room turned around to look at me as my cheeks turned a shade of red. I apologized, gathered my notes and left the room.

The crisp fall air was cold as it bit my skin through every hole in my jacket. I sighed the walk back to my apartment seemed to last for hours, each step dragging on this never ending day of past memories. I was exhausted.

As I stepped into my hallway and looked up I froze. There outside my door sat a man, his black hair was pulled into a messy bun, a few loose pieces hanging by the side of his face. His head was down and eyes were focused on what he was drawing below. A gray scarf wrapped loosely around his neck.

I couldn’t move, my body paralyzed at the sight, no the thought of him being here, of Sam being here. Questions were racing through my mind, I wanted to know all his answers but I also wanted to run, but I couldn’t. I stood there for what felt like hours before Sam sat down his sketch book and stood up, walking toward me. I stood in place as he wrapped his arms around me, my arms down by my side, and my eyes wide with shock.

That’s when my voice caught in my throat as I saw the sketch he was working on. There on the page was a clearing in the middle of a forest. In the clearing sat a big oak tree, its leaves blowing in the wind.

A tear ran down my cheek.

Beside the oak tree laid a young boy, a smile on his face as he clutched a note close to his heart. The note read,

“I’ll be back”, I whispered aloud. Sam hugged me tighter, and I buried my head into his shoulder, he smelled like the sweet grass where we spent hours together. My cold cheeks burned with the warm tears that rolled down them as he spoke, “I never forgot you”.

Reviews

[APOORVA]

Now ten years had passed but I never stopped thinking about that day. The last day I saw him, the day before he left the note. The short note with only three small words written on it.


i dont know why, i felt connected with these lines.
buck up writer!!
you ave nailed it

[Theo Ratcliffe]

Thank you! :)

[matrixmark]

As beautifully descriptive as the first sentence is, it does need to be cut into 2 sentences. Then you had me intrigued by the letter, with many questions arising in my mind. This is a good way to get the reader hooked from the beginning so that they will continue with the piece - nicely done.
There are a couple of other sentences which need shortening BUT i was drawn more towards the descriptives which you used in this piece. They were vivid, vibrant and had colur splahed all over them.

A good read

Mark

[Theo Ratcliffe]

Thank you for the positive comment. I really appreciate you helping point out what I need to fix, it means a lot. :)