Autumn

It's laundry day, and suddenly I was inspired to write something. It's a little sad, but I guess that's ok. Written from a guy's POV.

I used to know that she'd done laundry because when I got home her bras would be hanging in the bathroom to dry. Her clean clothes would be sprawled on the bed, and she'd be naked under the sheets because she said they felt best when they were freshly washed. She'd always tell me to do the same so I would know what she meant.

 

I loved laundry day.

 

I used to know when she'd taken a shower, because when I got home the whole apartment would smell like her shampoo, fruity and inviting. I'd peek in the bedroom door to see her wrapping her hair in a towel, soft skin still glistening with moisture. If she caught me staring, she smile and come hook her towel around the back of my neck, pulling me into the bedroom to kiss me.

 

I loved getting caught staring.

 

I used to know when she was in a bad mood because when I got home and she would have her guitar in her lap, softly plucking the strings. I'd wrap my arms around her, and her body would be stiff. She wouldn't look at me, she wouldn't talk to me, and I'd always wonder what I'd done. I couldn't make her happy.

 

I hated not knowing what to do.

 

I used to know when we were going to fight, because I'd come home and she'd be in the living room, sitting by the window and staring out into the ocean. She wouldn't look up when I came in, and I'd know that I'd done something wrong. She never yelled, only asked questions that came out like stab, stab, stab.

 

I hated that we were hurting each other.

 

I knew it was over when I came home and the apartment smelled like fresh autumn air. Her closets were empty, and there was only one pillow on the bed. There were no bras in the bathroom, no shampoo smell, no glistening skin. There was only a note on the coffee table, 'i used to know i loved you'.

 

I hate the smell of autumn air.

Reviews

[jenniewren (J.W. Bouwma..]

such a powerful write// the repetiton pulls you along and gives a lyricaism that is alluring. so many perfect little images you share makes this something i felt so deeply

I knew it was over when I came home and the apartment smelled like fresh autumn air

that line is so gorgoues, and i love how thropughout you engage all the sense, taste touch smell sight to really draw the write closer to my heart.

this is a firm favourite

[Oracle52]

This piece is sad to me. I know how breakups go, and reading this allows me to revisit and visualize the scene. The happy parts made me happy, but by the end I feel sorry for you.
The transitions are good- you really set the mood by saying "I used to know when...", and it was clever of you to put those words in her note (or clever of you to put them at the beginning of each passage).

Good use of one liners, and good organization of emotions, all with a good ending.

[Mia Fin]

First of all, WOW. I love this, and honestly would not change a thing about it! The way it is laid out is perfect, the paragraphs, then one simple sentence. Very emotionally striking. I love the contrast in moods as well, and it almost feels like you are going through the memories with him. Excellent job!

[deeps]

so much emotion in your story,
I like the way it's layed out, very well written too!