When the world stops turning.

This is sort of a story too I guess. Short. I like to think it was inspired by the Great Gatsby.

The dancers file into the room, the men talking of their wealth to one another on one side and the women waiting for the gentlemen to ask them to dance, as was customary.

The men, finally take notice of the ladies, and the ladies except invitations to dance.

The music is playing, the dresses are swirling, the people are laughing.

Suddenly the door creaks open and in walks a man,

plainly dressed in work clothes, and dirt on his nose.

“You dare trespass” say the men, and the women start to scream as women seem to do.

The man walks into the hall, his footsteps ring loud in the now silent ball.

He offers his hand to a young girl who takes it shyly.

They dance.

He moves with grace and with brilliance none have ever seen. The dancers move as one. The music begins to play.

Others join the strange man and the young girl who took his hand.

“When the world stops spinning, will we notice?

Surely the world will show us” says he

“But if we dance forever, always spinning the world will be”says she

Reviews

[Devesh]

“When the world stops spinning, will we notice?
Surely the world will show us” says he
“But if we dance forever, always spinning the world will be”says she

There is so much depth in these lines. It's all about the perspective! Thanks for sharing! =)

[Emily Feret]

Thank you for reviewing! Means the world

[Devesh]

I hope the world's still spinning! :P You're most welcome! =)

[Coyote Poetry]

"When the world stops spinning, will we notice?
Surely the world will show us” says he
“But if we dance forever, always spinning the world will be”says she
The good description brought to life situation and place. I like the way the good dancing skill change the thoughts and the night. The ending was my favorite. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nicely done again...great stories your poems tell...the outcast becomes the forecast for who will prosper and inherit the earth in the end...

just saw one glitch...i think you meant
"the ladies accept invitations to dance"

[Emily Feret]

Oops, good catch!

[Holly]

This is great! It reads like a story but flows like a poem. You captured the "Gatsby-esque" essence perfectly! :)

[David Scott]

Yes! If we can somehow always keep dancing... If... Then... Ah.
I can see the inspiration from the story here.

[A. Amos]

Your poetry starts like a beautful story and ends with a wonderful message, will return back to review more of your work. Good write

[Emily Feret]

Thank you so much!

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

that was exceptional..there was a typo in there, but typos are nothing compared to style and execution
the word except should be accept, I believe
"“You dare trespass” say the men, and the women start to scream as women seem to do." I like the sort of quirky way you narrated this story in an old fashioned vernacular of speaking..it really contrasts and sets up the ending with a punch..a spiked punch at that
top shelf writing..I look fwd to more

[Emily Feret]

Wow, what an incredibly nice review!!!

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

just callin em as i see em ma'am.
thanks :) I do what I can

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This was a nice piece of prose...very classic in feel and tone. I can see the images and feel the picture unfolding like a painting of sorts. I love the last three lines, they were my favorite. Reminded me a bit of Alice in Wonderland (the original "Through the Looking Glass").

"But if we dance forever, always spinning(,) the world will (always) be(,)" says she --favorite line...just a couple little technical suggestions for it thrown in, but still loved it.

[Emily Feret]

Thank you so so much!

[Sami Khalil]

"the gentlemen to ask them to dance, as was customary.
The men, finally take notice of the ladies, and the ladies except invitations to dance.
The music is playing, the dresses are swirling, the people are laughing."
A good short story like written in a good poetic style...:)

[Emily Feret]

Thanks Sami!

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[beautiful dreamer]

i had to read that book over the summer for AP american studies, great book and i hear the movie is even better! great poem very captivating

[Emily Feret]

The movie was spectacular!

[beautiful dreamer]

i havent saw it yet!