The Perfect Restriction

Just trying to write more everyday, so no promises that these will be great

What a perfect restriction
That instant
When the dark and light embrace

And the lovely moon retires
And night becomes the day

How beautiful the exchange

How divine the two beings
Who can never coexist
And who stand for varied
Contrastive things

But there is that instant
When they greet
And pass by one another
Quietly

Why one would struggle to find
A more powerful thing

Reviews

[Augustus]

Ah! This is a good one! Simple, but poetic. Really liked the phrase "dark and light embrace". The sun and moon greeting each other and passing by in one moment also paints a pretty picture. I don't understand in what sense you use the word "restriction" here. Could you enlighten me about it? All in all, the poem is like a freshly baked cookie. Crisp and melts in your mouth but is over before you know it. Well done! :)

[Emily Feret]

I used it to represent that simple fact that the sun and the moon cannot share the sky! Thank you for your review!

[Augustus]

Oh I get it! Thanks!

[Marie]

Excellent rendering of sunset or sunrise...the moon and the sun passing each other...

[Emily Feret]

Thank you Marie!

[Firestone Feinberg]

This is exquisite. It has a timelessness about it; its voice is classic -- noble. You are a writer. Remember that... please. --david

[Emily Feret]

What a compliment. Thank you

[Distant horizons]

Beautifully put. Two of the biggest parts of our lives, as different as, well, as night is from day, coexisting in blissful ignorance of the other. Maybe we could all learn something from them both :-)

[Emily Feret]

:) Thank you for your insightful review!

[jwesley]

Really, really like this ... A well written, well worded write.

I would consider changing the second to last line though, from . . .

" Why one would . . . " to " Why would one . . . " because, the way it sits now, its looking for additional wording after the final sentence. Changing it would give it an implied question mark after the word "thing" and be complete. Or just add
more to the stanza to complete the thought. As it sits now though, it leaves one "hanging" at the end.

Example:

Why one would struggle to find
a more powerful thing
I'll never understand. (this line added to complete the thought)

or

Why would one struggle to find
a more powerful thing? (complete at this point)

Good write...

jimmy

[Emily Feret]

hmm or maybe if I added commas to break it up?

Why, one would struggle to find
a more powerful thing.

That is how I intended it to read!

Thank you so much for your constructive review!!! :)

[jwesley]

Or maybe three ellipses after thing ( a more powerful thing . . . ) which would force the reader to supply the missing mentally. And the ellipses, at the end of the write, would not require any further punctuation in the write, whereas if you used commas, you'd need to punctuate other portions of the write. And the "Why, one would struggle to find
a more powerful thing." would still require a question mark, not a period, and still is 'hanging' in context, but the ellipses, rather than hanging, let the 'question' just slowly, thoughtfully, die.

My view anyway.

j.

[Emily Feret]

Thank you so much!

[Lover Of Words]

Wow im speechless!

[Emily Feret]

What a touching review! Thank you!

[Lover Of Words]

Your welcome!

[icelandicblue]

The sky is inspiration for you poetess. This is a lovely poem. I found that I was drawn to these words more than once:

How divine the two beings
Who can never coexist
And who stand for varied
Contrastive things

This is simply beautiful.

[Emily Feret]

Thank you so so much for taking the time to read and review!!!

[beautiful dreamer]

oh wow. i remember during show choir i watched the sun rise from pitch black. it was the most amazing thing ever. i don't believe before then i'd ever saw it like that. this is amazing! great job Emily

[Emily Feret]

Thank you so so much!

[beautiful dreamer]

you are so so welcome!