Amber

My heart is in absolute bits.
Torn from one end to the other,
Out seeps my wants and hopes and needs that I had sown up again and again,
I’d even thrown away the key.

But my heart wants what it really wants and I can’t drown out its incessant screams anymore.
If this were a normal time on a normal day I’d be singing from the rooftops.

But it is not.

When I first saw you, my eyes burned. Not in a bad way, but in the way they do when my heart has lit a flame that sparks so high it flickers behind my pupils.
Wild eyes my mother calls them.
It was a little flutter, nothing more than a bump in the road. I’d never light a spark in you, I don’t have a lighter.

Now normally I quench my flame and move on. But this one stayed. And grew and grew and made my cheeks flush when I saw you. And Then she came along. And she had a lighter. And I knew this was the end of me. I threw buckets of water over myself in an attempt to quench the flame to the point that I was drowning under the heavy ocean weight. I had quenched the flame. Or so I thought.

When she burnt you with her lighter, in an attempt to quench your flame for her, you were in darkness. I clambered back over, out of my own darkness, after being asked to tend to your burns and that’s when my flame began to spark once more. It grew and grew and now I believe that your spark has been lit from the same lantern and I have tried to ignore the licks of flame eating at my very core. The sizzling embers that blur my vision when you pass by all ablaze, the colour amber. I am burning up from the inside out and there is so much water around me that only your flame is keeping away.

I do not want to drown again. I cannot drown again. My heart can’t take it.

I know that if I stoke your flame I will get burnt. But I don’t care anymore. I want the pain. I want to be the colour amber.

Hey