pushing the boundaries

standing in line

at the funeral home

back home

 

waiting for someone

to pay respects

to the dearly departed

 

i heard the dead young woman

gloat

a little

 

pleased with

the rows and rows of flowers

and afghans and angel figurines

 

and the line of mourners

 

and the way

her b***s looked

in the shirt she wore

 

she thought

{and i'm not paraphrasing much}

 

that she 'looked pretty good

for a dead girl'

 

you may think

that i'm making the whole thing up

 

but i'm only telling the story

as i know it

 

 

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I feel like the meat of this poem is in the first bit. It could become an epic short with just a bit of of editing.

Standing in line at the funeral home works. Back home is weird simply because it's another home. Does it matter?

Waiting for someone works. To pay respects to the dearly departed maybe sounds un-poetic in that it's kind of two cliches. Not that cliches are altogether bad because I often use them, but I think for this poem, if it was ME, I would focus on the scene a bit more seriously and end with "I heard the dead young woman gloat a little." Which, because it is such a great line, immediately invalidates everything after it as trying to describe, and makes you want a more (not necessarily longer) fleshed out beginning.

Just my point of view.

[Ed Hart]

that final stanza is colossal...a game winning three-pointer from the far court, at the buzzer

[h d e rushin]

Live poetry is like live fish; eventhough they flop around, we still deman to see
their eyes as proff of freshness. When we do leave this earth for the supposed
"angel wings" you speak of, those we left behind, I am sure, will check the
freshness of what we left. Great work, as usual..hder.

[Marie Anzalone]

You know it's kind of like the advice from spiritualists, who say, even if you can commune with the dead, it does not mean they are suddenly omnipotent for being dead. If Joe was a machanic, and you did not trust him with your car in life because he was a sloppy mechanic, why would you turn around and trust him with other types of advice just because he is dead?

[Wondering Mind]

A very intriguing, but most effective metaphor you’ve used here. The last two lines say it all.

[Distant horizons]

Ah, so true. Beautifully stated. I love the way you find so many things to write of. I think i should maybe open my eyes more in life.

[TL Boehm]

OH MY GOD. Smack. Right between the eyes. Normally your work is gentle in its delivery of real life but this one is a bit like being hit in the face with a cast iron skillet. And I mean that as a compliment. This poem is a whollop. It has teeth and claws and latches on and won't let go. Gets the standing O from me.

[bob, small b. aka invs]

maybe she'll get some hot looking wings and just take up where she left off.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

if Captain Beefheart can say, "I have a crush on your skeleton"
I think it should be acceptable to relate a story like this
good art is supposed to make you uncomfortable at times
I think she gets extra points for sending us a lesson to digest
she may get there before it's all said and done...
I'm glad you shared this, it peeled a layer from my awareness
it was an important layer and you peeled it with finesse and boldness

[Renée]

Paying respect..to a soul that lived & a vessel that remains..so true...

[Kenneth The Poet]

Score.