pushing the boundaries

standing in line

at the funeral home

back home

 

waiting for someone

to pay respects

to the dearly departed

 

i heard the dead young woman

gloat

a little

 

pleased with

the rows and rows of flowers

and afghans and angel figurines

 

and the line of mourners

 

and the way

her b***s looked

in the shirt she wore

 

she thought

{and i'm not paraphrasing much}

 

that she 'looked pretty good

for a dead girl'

 

you may think

that i'm making the whole thing up

 

but i'm only telling the story

as i know it

 

 

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

I feel like the meat of this poem is in the first bit. It could become an epic short with just a bit of of editing.

Standing in line at the funeral home works. Back home is weird simply because it's another home. Does it matter?

Waiting for someone works. To pay respects to the dearly departed maybe sounds un-poetic in that it's kind of two cliches. Not that cliches are altogether bad because I often use them, but I think for this poem, if it was ME, I would focus on the scene a bit more seriously and end with "I heard the dead young woman gloat a little." Which, because it is such a great line, immediately invalidates everything after it as trying to describe, and makes you want a more (not necessarily longer) fleshed out beginning.

Just my point of view.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Loved this...loved, loved...little more to be said. Your style is so unique and you always tackle the greatest of ideas! Such a fantastic piece.

I can remember this as a child...the funeral line. Three people in front of me (and I was scared to death, by the way, being a child) this little old lady leaned down and looked really closely at the body and then screamed "his eyes are moving". I thought I was going to faint...and it took four people to calm her down. This reminded me of that; of the funny aspects of it that I can look upon now. Well done!

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

just what i was speaking of in my latest story:)
go find?
worth every bit the download

[Emily B]

i hear enough, thank you

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

ahh...i got you.
never you mind.
pls stay safe

[Emily B]

thank you

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

my pleasure my lady

[Corset]

rotflmao, those dead girls sure are a conceited lot haha, ah well, if you are dead I guess you take the "perks" where you can get them (snicker, get it perks? ahhh haaa)

[Emily B]

:)

[ba_mcfarlane]

Such a quirky and saucy take on a morbid situation, subtle as well. It would have been easy to write it off the rails, overdo it and the piece end up as burlesque, instead of sly and witty. I love it to death!

[Emily B]

thank you

[icaros13]

Aahh, a dark satyric tale of the pomp and circumstance surrounding a funeral... at least that's what I see...

[Ken Simm.]

I wonder if your observer thought the deseceased would be spending eternity like that. We are all immortal. We just end up being other things. Of course with no hormones or worries any more the dead could care less. I totally agree with the last lines. Wonderfully written.

[SpitfireGrrrl]

Really loved the last three lines. Perfect. I don't think I've read anything of yours yet, that I didn't love - or that hasn't spoken to me in some way. Thanks!

[sienikeha]

ah! lovely!