not so elegant

I don’t feel elegant

lately.

 

There may have been a day

long ago

when you were inspired

to compliment

slender hands.

 

I just don’t see

that girl

any more.

 

When I look

in my mirror

I wonder

where she went.

 

Elegant is so far

from where I live

now.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Elegance isn't necessarily about appearances...and who wants to be elegant anyway? Pah!
Regarding the poem, I like the explicit simplicity of this; our narrator expresses herself thoughtfully and with honesty. I also liked how you chose to say the sentiment of the final stanza.

This review isn't much of a present, but Happy Birthday.

[michael.c.m]

love the way you wrapped this in "elegance". As for you, dear poet, let "elegance" be your mantra. For you are, as are your words.

[Corset]

It's amazing how this poem , in it's few lines are able to draw out such deep emotional reaction, some people call that elegance, you may not feel it but these lines exude it. lovely write.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Excellent work here. Love the matter-of-factness of the first stanza. It sets the tone for the rest of the poem.. a sadness, a longing... The image of the mirror is pure brilliance since it is where we get the perception of who we are which can become jaded over time. The last stanza ties the whole poem together.. not to let us forget that Elegance has no part of the narrator's current life and I am not sure if there ever really was Elegance.. the narrator does not sound too convinced. Loved this!

[Dane Osborne]

Emotions become
memories greeting black death
as skin becomes sand.

(A common tragedy treated through
fairy tales and Prozac)

[Leslie Philibert]

Like the poem, and the reviewers have got it all right - excellent phrases,inspired observations, great last verse.And, as the featured review rightly says, elegance is not just about appearance .... an elegant turn of phrase is important too, and that`s what this has.

[p.kuhl]

I really love your enjambment here. Great line breaks

I can't remember which poet it was, but he was very ill and close to death and his close friend (also a poet) was beside him as he lay in bed. He was so ill that he couldn't speak without it hurting, so he had been writing down his thoughts. He handed his friend a paper that read:

"Robert, I'm dying"

his friend comforted him with a kind face and maybe a word, but then the man took back the paper and wrote more:

"Robert, I'm dying
for some ice chips"

it's all about line breaks! you do a great job here.

[no sun]

Oh this is so absolutely brilliant! The first line made my heart drop 8 inches down. Excellent write!

[Jasmine]

this is beautiful. very nicely finished off with the last verse. I'll treasure those last few words.

[MOON]

Well this is an elegant write, sometimes the best parts of us seem meaningless . Poignant lovely write.

[ba_mcfarlane]

Simple is good. With heartfelt is better. Beautiful.