seduced

inspired by Jibey

your words

ran away with me

this morning

 

maybe it was the fog

creeping in through open windows

til I surrendered

 

maybe my imagination

was seized strongest

by the first words I met on waking

 

maybe I dreamed you

only to wake and hear you whisper

stay close

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

love it...simple language and strongly emotive .. and is written to be taken on more than one level .. those first thoughts and impressions on waking ..or just before...can have such a strong impact on at least the first few hours of the day ..if not more .. the space between dreams and the "real" world can be stretched sometimes ..and oh how the imaginations can get ones full attention ... i love the title and i love the poem ..and how they work together to create a sensual thread .. so glad we have met.
E.

[Emily B]

thank you so much

[Tina Kline]

A very impressive write. I get the feeling this person is recalling throughout the day the voice and words he last heard of someone he loves before they parted for the day. The imagery and descriptions in this poem are outstanding, they're beautiful all on their own!

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

Your words emily,they create magic..yes magic..and i am saying this not in a way so that i sound cliched,but how else do i express what i feel when i come across your words,they are so soothing and always have this lingering sadness and yearning to them.

[MagiCrystal]

I can run all day with this words within my mind and carried them in my heart..
I can dream all night.. in the warmth of your verses..
And awake inside the Sun.. and... whisper to the wind..You have left me..
in awe.. and want more of this.. how about that? x0x0xx0

[holly]

Never nothing, Emily. Again, it's the simplicty of the poem that reaches me. The repetitive "maybe" reminds me as I read that the poet isn't sure what happened that morning, that she (you) is hesitant to ascribe the ravages of love to any one event. I like the way you touch lightly on each of the possibilities. You have a clarity here that reminds me of how skilled you are.

[theludus]

hey emily,

hahahaha, are you sick of me yet?

I don't think the three maybes work, I don't think the poem works as is, and i say that because in order to lend more meaning to the words, imo, one thing needs to connect to, suggest the other.

if you take a look at your opening scene, i feel there's also a lack of immediacy, and that's one thing i think a lot about: in which tense will the words have the greatest impact, and you can also look at how sentences are structured so that the first route, the most obvious route is, or can often be a spot to change, for change, and this allows you to keep intensity.

here's what i'd do to the first section:

your words
run away with me.

this morning
fog creeps up
to open windows; a view
surrendered,
imagination seized strongest
by words you'd whispered at my waking:
stay close to me.


i mean we have different styles, but i'd be cautious to use whispered and a running away theme so i'd approach a poem like this differently, i guess i'm just trying to offer food for thought and some examples of how you can basically say the same thing with less words and more twists. From working with sonnets I know that you have limited space and when you're forced to work within the confines of that form it opens your eyes to how work can be condensed.

hope that helps.

[...]

... that one magical and mesmerizing moment that melts into a melting, meandering, mellifluous mood ... you capture it so well ... captivating poetry ... sensitive and surreal ... breathtakingly beautiful ... "maybe i dreamed you" ... your words linger and simmer, emily ... (highest rating) ...

[Alicante lullaby]

wow...seriously hot as i read it again...and fog creeping through windows.Romantic...overall,long lasting effect.

[Gandré]

.. love is like the study of religion, it has to be felt, enriching its perspective. Such small poems are extraordinarily important. One can learn them and repeat them from memory and make someone happy, perhaps, in him or in her - this will ignite love? this is considering existence in just any realm into which one is reborn just by falling into love....

[Tony]

As I read and review this yet again, it grabs at me with more meaning and seductiveness, then the first reading.
I taste these words and see your vision and I sweat. A romantic tenderness, so perfect.
One of the my favorites.

Tony

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

May have read this but it is one to read again and again.
The last line is strong .. Maybe I dreamed you only to wake and whisper
stay close.. if a dream a lovely dream .. beautiful, Emily.

Chloe