out to sea

almost nothing

on nights when I lie awake and staring

eyes wide as some gold-eyed hoot owl

locked away from the words I ought to have

I find my muse is out to sea

lost in the ebb and tide of things

 

Reviews

[theludus]

Ugh, I like those first two lines, and the thought of this poem, very much.

on nights when I lie awake and staring

this is your killer line, but whether intended or not, it introduces a metrical sound that I long to continue.

eyes wide as some gold-eyed hoot owl

Similarly this line is a fine one, the phrasing is golden.

locked away from the words I ought to have

I find my muse is out to sea

in the ebb and tide of things

I'm biased I guess, because I do love metrical poetry, but perhaps it's also that these last three lines hunt in the right ground, but are less colorful or wistful than they might be.

Sound is a very very important aspect of poetry, it often guides me to phrases as well as intuition might, and I think if you listen to your ear it is as good a lead as any. the key thing is that one word often informs another:

on nights when I lie awake and staring,

eyes wide as the gold-eyed hoot owl, bearing

down on thoughts that ought to be mine

I find my muse is out to sea

awash in the absent, ebbing tide

............................

or not. Food for thought at least.

[Serend1p1ty]

Short, but wonderful write.
"I find my muse is out to sea
The ending two lines were great, definitely the highlight of the poem.
Great piece.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[theludus]

Ahhhh, I know it now. You are Sarah Teasdale, only not quite yet out of the chrysalis. There's something there though, a similarity in the rhythms and the depth of thought and feeling you attempt to lay across the page. For me the first line is incredible and it's hard to say why, other than that it's a classic rhythm. The places you lead me to parallel that but fall off, and so I ask if you'd mind me finger painting with your work as find it. Examples of ideas often speak louder than words I often struggle to find. I wouldn't e offended if you told me to shove it.

'I thought of you'

I thought of you and how you love this beauty,

And walking up the long beach all alone

I heard the waves breaking in measured thunder

As you and I once heard their monotone.



Around me were the echoing dunes, beyond me

The cold and sparkling silver of the sea --

We two will pass through death and ages lengthen

Before you hear that sound again with me.

Sarah Teasdale

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I say when your muse is on the run like that look within yourself to find yourself.

[KUFU]

You go ma...you know I like this lil ditty. Words just ebbing and flowing. Flowetry I like to call it. With all this talk of water and such (the constant rain) I even penned a lil free verse amongst my Sonnet attempts...couldn't help it...and it sucked as a Sonnet...hehe ;-)
This one goes to my FAVS!

[Tony]

That muse of yours has their nerve, no regard for your sleepless nights, that muse may be out fishing for a big catch, or searching beneath the sea for an ancient ship, filled with treasure. When that muse returns, if I were you...I would have a very serious heart to heart talk, put your foot down. LOL how close am I?

Tony

[Gandré]

sweet...correspondence of mind with the nature. well said!

[Collect-Eye]

I used to eat alot of cheese to help me fall asleep.
but that was probly a bad idea, so I stopped.

My muse goes on quite a few adventures w/out me..
Her spirit stays w/ me, but I often wish for more.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

I say "Rest, if sleep eludes you then just rest! You words will always come home to you."

[Poeticpiers]

we all have nights like that but remember the tide always returns