Remembrance

not sure where it's going . . .

you and I have walked this way
a time or two before.

perhaps you were the brickmason
scribbling on that purchased pot
with hand-carved pen and found ink.
maybe I was the quiet laundress
easily overcome with the grandeur
of your pseudo glyphs.

maybe there is something
in the swing of my hips that reminds you
of times when your hands traced my form.

or could it be I watched
from some silent stone tower
as you shed layers of clothing
beside the still sea
and dived in swimming swiftly
through blue waters.

maybe there is something
in the curve of my breast that haunts you
on quiet nights when the moon is full.
 

 

Author's Note

trying it again, Daniel, we'll see . . .

Reviews

[Sel Whiteley]

The rhythm has musicality and lyrical intensity. One can truly imagine these two people walking together, how their professions inform their lives. The imagery is exquisite:

perhaps you were the brickmason
scribbling on that purchased pot
with hand-carved pen and found ink.
maybe I was the quiet laundress
easily overcome with the grandeur


as W.K.Kortas writes culminatively, this poem reaches near perfection.

[Commanda Panda]

Seductive

[Coyote Poetry]

Beautiful and haunting words. I like the feel of the poem. Ending was very good.
Coyote

[Phibby Venable]

very sensual and warm..an endless reincarnation of love. wonderful images.

[AK]

Gorgeous!

[Lola Nation]

lovely ... I think you could explore so much further with this though it does have a nice hush at the end...

[cest la vie]

Something this wonderful is untitled? You take the reader on a mini-lovely journey.. A good name, hmm, how about "Before"?

[Jibey]

This is a fascinating, magical piece... I wasn't sure why the 'brickmason' but then, 'Why not?' Why 'pseudo' glyphs? Then the hands tracing the form made me think he should have been a potter... but then perhaps he was writing not words but her form on the 'purchased pot'? So I was mystified but in a charming way by the conundrum...

The second verse was easier... and pleasing in its images of the naked diver and the curve of the breast in the moonlight...

The poem reads like a picture two people brought together - with all the debris of the past - who have a sense of deja vu as they discover each other.

As for a title... Haunting remembrance?

[deeps]

Aw this is wonderful and beautiful

[Eric]

I like the last stanza best. It leaves me with images and stirs my imagination.

But this poem with more to say.

[Mark Pearce]

I get the feeling there is more of this to come. A concluding thought or observation or discovery that frames the journey.