I like this, it really got me thinking, pondering the words, and relating them to my own experiences. I feel as if it needs some different angles: oddities, and a little refinement. When you choose phrases they must of course carry the momentum of what's already been begun, but they also need to dance off on their own.
This is also a personal preference of mine, but I think pauses are invaluable devices in poetry, so that the words hang there for a while, this can also guide the reader, and keep them to the rhythm.
Journeys are oddities.
Do you remember
when we used to troll around
on Friday nights--
on country roads,
clandestine
in our efforts to get lost?
It must have been an exercise.
Practice--
that as adults
we would know how
to find ourselves.
And so, perhaps
it is less than incidental
we should find ourselves
together
I like this, it really got me thinking, pondering the words, and relating them to my own experiences. I feel as if it needs some different angles: oddities, and a little refinement. When you choose phrases they must of course carry the momentum of what's already been begun, but they also need to dance off on their own.
This is also a personal preference of mine, but I think pauses are invaluable devices in poetry, so that the words hang there for a while, this can also guide the reader, and keep them to the rhythm.
Journeys are oddities.
Do you remember
when we used to troll around
on Friday nights--
on country roads,
clandestine
in our efforts to get lost?
It must have been an exercise.
Practice--
that as adults
we would know how
to find ourselves.
And so, perhaps
it is less than incidental
we should find ourselves
together
Alot has been said already, and being lost in a random world, well that IS wonderful at the end of the day. Long ago, in the 70's (I am an old guy) my ex and I used to drive around in the hills and mountains of Vermont in our 68 Dodge Dart. I had installed an eight track player under the dash and we would listen to neil young or some country singer like Hank Williams, him crying his songs out, the windows down, june bugs hitting the windshield, as the sun disappeared.
Being lost is never bad at all. It introduces so many routes wherein we could trudge on as to find ourselves back---who we really are and what we want from life.
A great write.
Posted 15 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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This is really sweet. Its a poem about friendship and nostalgia. It reminds me that sometimes the friends that you make when you are young are the ones that stay with you always. Great job on the poem. I really liked it.
You definitely need to keep this one around. This is the sort of stuff that's worth all the gold because it is filled up with meaning and memories, and also with the recollection of how we find ourselves. The trips were not to get lost, but to find out who we are when there's no longer a frame of reference. Nice piece, Em.
This is so beautiful :)
Most of us can relate ourselves with it, as we all somehow have traveled that path and that journey of life which has made us who we are today!
It is so strong and vivid...Brilliant work Emily, like always :)
to the Lost Boys
I am no Wendy;
but my voice brings you back to me.
And you sit around my feet,
anxious for a story
or a kiss.
Listening to my words
spinning adventures,
like so much g.. more..