Childhood

Lotus Eaters Group exercise #9 Poetic Gems

I remember black summer nights
lit by yellow moons
when dew-soaked grass on bare feet
did little to cool the world.
Playing hide and seek among
sweet smells of dirt and growth--
running out of breath and panting
through cornfields twice as tall as us.
I remember stars just out of reach
glowing like the sporadic fireflies
that we caught in coffee cans--
holes punched in plastic lids.
Giggling "tag, you're it"'s and
sing-song "ghosts in the graveyard",
I remember the sounds of joyful abandon
that come from the naive fearless.
Sweet watermelon sprinkled with salt,
I remember juice dripping
down brown arms and legs making
streaks of mud with the dirt we wore.
 

Reviews

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

This piece dances around in my mind and makes me remember. I love the action, and how you take the reader right into being a child by your evoking "sweet smells of dirt and growth", and "cornfields twice as tall as us". The watermelon scene is by far my favorite, I feel as if I am in my own backyard, that the sweet juice is dripping down my own arms and legs "making streaks of mud with the dirt we wore."

Your use of simple language holds the child image in place. Occasionally you switch out and get abstract, like the word "growth" right after such specific descriptive words in line 6. Perhaps keep me focused by using another sensory word there? What growth? Was it roots? Or deep green mosses? I want to know....
Also the use of "naive fearless" is more telling than showing, and I just want to stay in those awesome specific moments you have created for me! Can you show me naive? Can you show me "fearless"? I am only asking because I appreciate this piece so much, and those were a couple places where I was jarred back into being adult....

I loved the watermelon scene at the end. It is so strong that I don't think you need the summary sentence at the very end. I wonder if you might start with that sentence? It would help me with the many scene changes, would pull it together for me at the start. I am meddling, I know.....I enjoyed this piece, and sat for awhile, remembering....thank you for that journey!

[JohnL]

I find poems which remember childhood particularly interesting. This one looks at perhaps a different aspect of childhood than my two memory poems (A Child's War and Then and Now), both of which majored upon my childhood in the war. Yours talks of your feelings, acts, tastes, smells and situations. It is fine picture language and I received from it some images - evocative images which are memorable. The form of this poem is such that, when reading aloud or to myself, the lines flowed and the picture was clear.
John

[J]

We're very alike in our childhood remembrances of soil, of farms and endless childhood quests. I'd never subject any future kids I may have to grey suburbia, not after knowing what it's like to be barefoot and free.

I still miss that life; it colours my views strongly.

[mysticgmekeepr]

makes me think of my Grand daughters playing here in the country on a summers eve....capturing fireflys.

[bluessadmood]

this is very nice dear ,very well and descriptive i am sure of the place where you lived ,its so nice ,the black summer nights,the moon ,the stars,the high cornfields,everything about it you tell ,i could almost see the place ,very nice dear ,moayad

[vanishing]

Emily, i loved this poem!!
Heartfelt, many favorite lines i couldn't pick
a favorite one!

this is pure nostalgia,
and the sentiment alone brings tears
to the heart, brought me back to childhood again,
The opening-the specific devotion to detail

Took me away fro the moment
didnt want to leave- Such Talent! thanks

[Progressive Atheism]

Good poem. My childhood wasn't quite like this, though. I was the nerd - the book-readin', news-watchin' nerd. The sun was my enemy.

[Brandon]

Nicely done. Brings back memories, and good ones at that.

[Angelic Darkness]

I loved this poem, which brought back the same memories of
myself as a child...such innocence, yet so wise.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Such beautiful, loving memories. I remember all of those things as well - I haven't thought of 'ghosts in the graveyard' in years - now I just have to remember how to play so I can teach my son sometime. Great write. Very nostalgic and embracingly warm. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha