Childhood

Lotus Eaters Group exercise #9 Poetic Gems

I remember black summer nights
lit by yellow moons
when dew-soaked grass on bare feet
did little to cool the world.
Playing hide and seek among
sweet smells of dirt and growth--
running out of breath and panting
through cornfields twice as tall as us.
I remember stars just out of reach
glowing like the sporadic fireflies
that we caught in coffee cans--
holes punched in plastic lids.
Giggling "tag, you're it"'s and
sing-song "ghosts in the graveyard",
I remember the sounds of joyful abandon
that come from the naive fearless.
Sweet watermelon sprinkled with salt,
I remember juice dripping
down brown arms and legs making
streaks of mud with the dirt we wore.
 

Reviews

[Toni Prehoda Kahler]

This piece dances around in my mind and makes me remember. I love the action, and how you take the reader right into being a child by your evoking "sweet smells of dirt and growth", and "cornfields twice as tall as us". The watermelon scene is by far my favorite, I feel as if I am in my own backyard, that the sweet juice is dripping down my own arms and legs "making streaks of mud with the dirt we wore."

Your use of simple language holds the child image in place. Occasionally you switch out and get abstract, like the word "growth" right after such specific descriptive words in line 6. Perhaps keep me focused by using another sensory word there? What growth? Was it roots? Or deep green mosses? I want to know....
Also the use of "naive fearless" is more telling than showing, and I just want to stay in those awesome specific moments you have created for me! Can you show me naive? Can you show me "fearless"? I am only asking because I appreciate this piece so much, and those were a couple places where I was jarred back into being adult....

I loved the watermelon scene at the end. It is so strong that I don't think you need the summary sentence at the very end. I wonder if you might start with that sentence? It would help me with the many scene changes, would pull it together for me at the start. I am meddling, I know.....I enjoyed this piece, and sat for awhile, remembering....thank you for that journey!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This piece evokes memories for us in the 'been around' category. It is whimsical in that beautiful naive way that childhood once felt for us before we forgot to live and became automatons simply surviving life. Lovely piece.

[Emily B]

you went digging through the oldies, thanks

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Very nice...such a vivid insight into your childhood and I felt emersed into your imagery and child's imaginative perspectives....beautiful.

[Renée]

This is delightful Emily ! So many wonderful moments in childhood !

[Britiful Bean]

Very descriptive! Its awesome! (:

[Dane Osborne]

Metal wings that would've saved Icarus (and his soul)
one voice from the lonlieness of mountains and gray sky
makes beautiful sense othe lost moments that we grown
weeping children could not names.

Her words became music that soothed us into the simple dream.

(loved the subtle alliteration BTW)

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

Childhood mnemories are the best! Love the imagery!

[Alicante lullaby]

wow...fire fliesand water melon and corn fields... what achild hood and definitely going to my favourites.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Ohhhh such a beautiful memories , I love that the end is not really an "End" , like memories , they can gly to you and than go , never start or end .... lovely and sweet :)

[beancountersar]

Applause! Very well done..simplistic yet clever. Took me back to childhood sitting here. I think most people have experience all of those things you described. This poem appeals to probably most everyone.

Nice work!

[Tony Hwilka]

AH -- your poem took me back many years, years that I have forgotten until I read your poem. Thank you Emily