Bricks

Bricks

A Poem by Emily B
"

Attempting to make my voice meet metal. Someday I'll catch on.

"

When I huddled freezing in ice and snow

without shelter or coat or fire

you remodeled your kitchen for the tenth time

not happy with the ecru paint and expensive drapes.

When I wandered in an unknown and strange land

besieged by bullets, land mines and firestorms

you complained there was nothing stimulating

or entertaining in your two hundred tv channels.

When I was a starving child in a diseased land

belly bloated watching family drop like flies

you drowned your latest crisis of the moment

in a tub of Ben and Jerry's with Hershey's syrup.

When I found myself trampled and bleeding

protesting for a better world and for human rights

you whined about furs and non-organic farming--

self-satisfied with your mis-guided effort.

When I died alone, abject, abused

you toasted your latest promotion and bigger paycheck

planning for newer, bigger luxuries;

forgetting even your self-righteous gestures.

 

© 2008 Emily B


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Featured Review

Emily, I am very proud. This is a fantastic non-sympathetic, moral and ethically challenging piece of writing. It reads seamlessly and resonates an integral and honest humanitarian soul. I don't know if I can convey very well how much this eased into my heart and mind. It was gracious, yet weighted with great sorrow and torment. This is important. Send it to Gabriel, he must read it.



Posted 16 Years Ago


5 of 5 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is a VERY strong write, sadly, too true. We Americans can be a spoiled lot. You said it all. Barbara

Posted 16 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

Emily, I am very proud. This is a fantastic non-sympathetic, moral and ethically challenging piece of writing. It reads seamlessly and resonates an integral and honest humanitarian soul. I don't know if I can convey very well how much this eased into my heart and mind. It was gracious, yet weighted with great sorrow and torment. This is important. Send it to Gabriel, he must read it.



Posted 16 Years Ago


5 of 5 people found this review constructive.

Emily, this is a stunning write. I love the contrast of the lives in your piece. This is such a sad, sad reality and it makes me wonder why. It also makes me appreciate what I have. I get so overwhelmed with my problems and forget that somewhere else, others are always suffering more.

Posted 16 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Great write! :)

Posted 16 Years Ago


2 of 3 people found this review constructive.

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Kim
Powerful write. I know a lot of people in my life who should read this. Great imagery, really makes you think. One error, entertaining not entertainn I believe.

Posted 16 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Uhoh, the meeting of metal...

I like it all except the last two lines;
they jangle a bit harsh
[in a poetic way, not in a
those-poor-rich-feckers-leave-them-alone type harshness haha]

actually, I like "and more expensive drapes" because you've bookended that way, and it highlights how little they cared for the first drapes, now they're replacing them needlessly and spending more money
yeah, that's good

so what don't i like?
arrghh

maybe it's the "and"s
let me check

"planning for luxury cars, bigger houses,
fur coats and more expensive drapes."

hmm
possibly

i think it's the fur coats
feel like i need an adjective
even though it would probably make the line too long

so ignore all of this
well, maybe consider the commas
but it could just be me

please excuse this review emily
i've been hanging out with the amazing LE too much today
and it's fried my brain

really liked this
you went for hard-hitting imagery
where i tried emotive blackmail
and it works better
and is a more filling read

great write
shouting, but not just for the hell of it




Posted 16 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.


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797 Views
26 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 4 Libraries
Added on April 7, 2008
Last Updated on April 9, 2008

Author

Emily B
Emily B

Richmond, KY



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