The gravity of your piece really is surprising. It is more so considering the simplicity of the words you use. I really do think that you are talented. You are a magician with the ability to turn paper airplanes into carrier ships ready to rescue soldiers from the war. Imagine what you can do when your poetic voice meets metal.
You can probably end poverty as we know it.
Posted 16 Years Ago
3 of 3 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
it occurs to me i haven't been using my voice in exactly the right way . . . so much work to be done
As a professional psychic I found this poem quite enchanting. Your words flow effortlessly cascading over my soul like raindrops from heaven. Next time the spirits talk to me I will tell them of the beautiful poem I read that they too may be blessed.
I enjoyed this. The title tripped me up...I see this lovely creature emerging after a long wait...and flying off to be all that is was meant to be from the very start. Creative set up for your words...it painted a great soaring picture. :)
~Lorraiyne
Ha, much better! From unfurled at the start to spinning, spinning outwards... the visual impact gives this more flavour, more... of a psychological arty twist.
Now... it looks like a flying saucer, haha... more in keeping with the surreal theme, I think, don't you?
=)
A Magritte contest, huh? If I'd have known (or actually bother to peruse these contests now) I would've entered too, haha.
Lots of 'w' and 'l' alliterations in this piece. I found lines 3 and 10 to be most in accordance with my idea of surrealism. And being centred, was this piece supposed to look like a chess pawn? It sure looks like it.
Em, I love this. I just love how the words capture this feeling. We all long to feel like this in our lives. I think you found your words. Unfurl has to be my favorite word in this piece.
to the Lost Boys
I am no Wendy;
but my voice brings you back to me.
And you sit around my feet,
anxious for a story
or a kiss.
Listening to my words
spinning adventures,
like so much g.. more..