The gravity of your piece really is surprising. It is more so considering the simplicity of the words you use. I really do think that you are talented. You are a magician with the ability to turn paper airplanes into carrier ships ready to rescue soldiers from the war. Imagine what you can do when your poetic voice meets metal.
You can probably end poverty as we know it.
Posted 16 Years Ago
3 of 3 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
it occurs to me i haven't been using my voice in exactly the right way . . . so much work to be done
The line "merrily singing" gives this an explosive quality, in the context of the visual form, and in other ways..but in a creative way, rather than destructive..brilliant Emily..
I'm reading through some of your comments..especially Angel Cantera's..he's right on the money..and it explains the effect you've had on me as a person and my writing..as so does this piece.
You got many good responses, and you deserved every one of them!
awesome..I'm happy to understand you a little more each day [=
Ok, I may have a slightly ridiculous comment later but first, this is a good poem and I do like it. The language fits the subject and it is lite and elegant. I think the form of it is my favorite part and how the form mimics what's going on in the poem is very well done here. This is the ridiculous comment part, I kind of almost want it to constrict again in another stanza and of course this isn't necessary and it is strong as it is now but the poem is called clairvoyant and its about what will be but I kind of wanted to see more of how things are at the end. But hey, even less than a nitpick. I really liked it like all of your stuff that I've read.
The gravity of your piece really is surprising. It is more so considering the simplicity of the words you use. I really do think that you are talented. You are a magician with the ability to turn paper airplanes into carrier ships ready to rescue soldiers from the war. Imagine what you can do when your poetic voice meets metal.
You can probably end poverty as we know it.
Posted 16 Years Ago
3 of 3 people found this review constructive.
11 Years Ago
it occurs to me i haven't been using my voice in exactly the right way . . . so much work to be done
to the Lost Boys
I am no Wendy;
but my voice brings you back to me.
And you sit around my feet,
anxious for a story
or a kiss.
Listening to my words
spinning adventures,
like so much g.. more..