Sprinkles

Next week came, and I stared up at the darkening sky as the morning bus rumbled along the road toward Edward’s stop.  The clouds had grown, and now they covered most of the sky, appearing like the bottom of the ocean waves with some gaps of calm water.  The sun hid behind the grayness, waiting its turn to nurture the earth after the waters.  I worked out the Sudoku puzzle that I was almost done with.  The bus began beeping and screeched to a halt.  I continued writing numbers, and the bus continued.  I hesitated.  Where was he?  The seat jerking and squeaking never came.  I glanced around the bus, but there was no sign of Ed.  I sighed, turning back to my page.  Maybe he missed the bus.  I snickered to myself as I pictured him running after the bus " but that was just plain evil. 

                It mostly sprinkled, but as the end of the school day came, it began to rain steadily.  I walked out with Katelyn as usual, tilting my head back to feel the water droplets splat on my face.  My face scrunched up and I smiled.

                “Justine!  What are you doing?!  Hurry up!  Let’s get on the bus!” Katelyn called as she pulled her raincoat hood over her head and ran for the buses that were just arriving.  I walked after her, enjoying the rain.  We went to our assigned seats as usual.  Students rushed across the lawn to get away from the rain, and everyone quickly cleared out.  The bus grumbled awake, and began moving.  Edward wasn’t here.  I searched out the window at the school, but I saw no signs of him.  I breathed out, slumping in my seat.

Reviews

[Kaliope]

Three remarks on this one:
* "The sun was hidden..." - I'd go for active voice here, since the second half of the sentence has the sun actively "...waiting its turn."
* The word bus/buses appears a lot, especially in the last paragraph. I know, it's tricky since there aren't many synonyms for "bus" but maybe you could restructure a bit or omit it in a few cases?
* Since Edward isn't in this part perhaps it would be a good idea to have Justine interact a bit more with her friend Katelyn. The two lovebirds have existed in a kind of social vacuum so far, which makes sense when they are together, but when she's alone... I don't know. Even if she doesn't want to confide in her friend maybe show her blocking Katelyn's conversation attempts or something. Surely her friend has figured out that there was something up with Ed and Justine?

[Emiko Tagahushi]

Yes! Thank you Kaliope - for taking your time to correct my stories! :D I really appreciate it! I'll have to add conversations between her and Katelyn. The only reason I didn't when I initially wrote this was because it was for class lol, and I wanted to focus on the romance. However, I completely agree that they seem to be in a social vacuum. Thanks!