The End of Winter

The flattened grass was beginning to green, and the barren trees were growing baby buds.  Robins and squirrels scampered about once more in search for such simple treasures.  The pure white clouds thickened evermore while the sun shined ever brighter, breaking through the puffs of cotton candy floating across the solid, never ending sky.  Then there was me, walking across the lawn of the school to the buses.  A breeze blew through my long, black hair, offering a breath to my nape.  Just a slight wind scattered goose bumps all the way up my arms, but the sun eased a blanket of warmth onto my skin. Flowers that had never been acknowledged before would bloom to become the most radiant shades, opening and closing as the sun and moon passed above like a spinning quilt.  The time waited to come, and in every moment of it, I would live through the present. 

                The strong winds carried the white fluff out of the sun’s rays, and I lifted a hand to cover my eyes from the blinding yellow light.  I squinted through the heat at my bus number, 981.

                “I can’t believe the bus driver made assigned seats,” Katelyn, my friend whined.

                My hand flopped down to my side and I looked at her in alarm. “He did?” I asked.

                “Yes.  You didn’t know-,”

                “Why?” I gaped. 

                Katelyn rolled her blue eyes. “Because, these immature kids got in a fight because they wouldn’t let the other kid sit next to them or something like that, and they said some pretty nasty stuff,” she muttered the story like she had too many times. 

                I shook my head. “Geez,” I groaned. “Maybe we’ll get stuck together,” I said, still hoping for good news, but she shrugged.  We loaded onto our bus with some other students and the bus driver had out a clipboard, ordering us where to sit.  I stepped up. “Justine Henningston,” I said.

                He scanned the page with his pen and checked off my name. “Seat eleven,” he ordered.  I moved out of the way and Katelyn came up, giving her name too. “Seat twenty-four,” he said. 

Katelyn perked her lower lip and slugged to me. “That’s too bad,” she grumbled.

“I know,” I sighed. “It’s okay though.  It’s just the bus,” I said, and we parted, plopping down in our assigned spots for the rest of the year.  I looked in the reflection of the rear view mirror and saw Katelyn’s brown curly hair and her wide blue eyes peeking over the edge of the seat.  It was too bad we couldn’t sit by each other and talk about whatever we did through our day.  I gazed out the window, watching the kids hurry to their buses.  I was beginning to hope " just maybe " I would get to sit by myself which would be terrific "

The seat jerked as the chair squeaked under someone else’s weight.  I stiffened, keeping my eyes out the window as the bus started moving.  Sneakily, I faked staring forward when for real, I was spying on the person with the edge of my vision.  It was a boy, probably a senior.  He had dark brown hair that slopped over his head like a wig, and dark looking clothes, but that was all I could make out from the corner of my eye.  I peered back out the window into the new spring air, ignoring him.  I could live with this " no talking and just waiting to get off the bus…  

Reviews

[Kaliope]

A lovely scene! I like the atmosphere, it really feels like tender awakening after winter.

There are two passages that kind of tripped me up though:
The first two sentences because - to me - they feel a tiny bit too static. Especially spring - I think - deserves more vivid imagery. But that's really nitpicking and just my very subjective opinion so feel free to disregard it :-)
The second passage is this one: "The wind blew by like a current, whipping my long, shiny black hair in the air as if breathing for the first time." This image seems a bit odd, it doesn't feel like the words current/whipping/breathing go well together. Might be just me though, as you know I'm not a native speaker.

Nevertheless a sweet, harmonious opening that I liked very much! Oh, and the book title is brilliant, love it!

[Emiko Tagahushi]

Kali, your advice really helps me a lot. You're just brilliant. I love the "tender awakening" description. I will try to fix up those passages. When I look back at it, I understand what you mean. After I fit it, can I message you and will you peek over it again? :D Thanks!

[Kaliope]

Glad I could help! And by all means, send me a PM when you want me to take another look :-)

[Kaliope]

Yes, I think the edited version works much better! Great job :-)