Let's Go

My eyes opened to the wooden boards.  I didn’t dare move.  I lied still on the bed until I was certain that I was still in the group home, and then I let myself breath.  My eyes blinked, feeling the stickiness of tears in my eyelashes, so I used the blanket to wipe them away.  I felt a bit lightheaded, and my back and forehead was covered in sweat.  I shivered and threw the blankets off, crawling out of bed.  My knees were a little shaky, but I was determined to wash my clammy face.  The thought of going to sleep after something like that…  I shook the dream scenes out of my head and started to feel my way through the room and towards the door.  I stumbled and rammed into the desk, nearly yelping out in pain.  I glanced at the girls sleeping in case the banging woke them up.  No one moved.  I sighed, leaning against the desk to straighten myself.  My hip throbbed where I hit the edge of the desk.  I tried my best to ignore the soreness and continued patting along the wall.  Soon, I arrived at the door and squeaked it open, revealing the black hallway. 

Honestly, it was a little intimidating.  Shadows loomed everywhere, concealing whatever hid in the darkness.   I poked my head out and looked left at the cafeteria and then right toward the bathroom.  After a few moments of paranoia, I stepped out into the hallway.  I tiptoed as fast as I could to the bathroom.  As I approached, I noticed a little light leaking out from under the door.  I hesitated.  Who could be awake at this hour?  Or did the janitors forget to turn off the lights?  I carefully pressed my ear to the door, but it was silent.  My hand hovered at the door handle. 

Then I heard a small, familiar whimper.  It was Pippa. 

I shoved the door open. “Pip!” I called as I staggered into the bathroom. 

Pip looked up from her curled, sitting position on the floor, and her eyes grew wide. “R-Rena,” she cried. “I-I-I didn’t do it,” she stuttered, tears running down her red cheeks. “I don’t know what happened.  I just �" I needed to use the bathroom and she-she came in.  She started to say mean things to me and - I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I �" these ropes came out of my hands, and they just acted on their own…” her voice faded, and she stared across the bathroom at the body lying on the floor. 

It was Madelyn.  She just laid there, limp, her nose swollen and stitched, and her head up against the wall.  Those eyes that used to be so penetrating were now a distant gray, staring at nothing.  Dark blood soaked into her clothes from three holes in her stomach and spread across the floor, reddening her blonde hair.  Her lips were slightly parted, and a white fog lingered in her mouth.

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from that white fog.  The smell I’d been sensing for the past month was sharper than ever.  It permeated the room, filling my nose so intensely my head spun, and my insides felt hollow.  I held a hand to my stomach, feeling shaky.  A ripple tickled under my skin just like in the dream, and suddenly, I knew what I had yearned for all along.  The word formed in my mind: essence.

I slowly made my way to Madelyn’s body.

“R-Rena?” Pippa murmured. “What are you doing?”

I knelt down next to Madelyn’s body and reached for the white fog.  My hands trembled, and I wasn’t sure whether it was anticipation or fear of what I was doing �" fear that I was not human…  My hands passed through the whiteness, and I broke off a piece, holding it in my palms.  It didn’t feel like anything was there.  I cupped my hands closer together like trapping a butterfly, and I gazed into the white mist that seemed to glow a little in the dim light.  A strange feeling came over me, as if I was holding something extremely precious.  I raised my hands up to my face and took a bite of the fog.  A piece tore off �" almost like cotton candy, but with no texture against my lips.  I swallowed, and suddenly, I felt at ease.  My heart slowed, and my mind faded.  I didn’t feel empty inside anymore, and the aching and trembling my body had been experiencing was gone.  I took another bite, feeling more energy flow through my body.  My hunger left me.  The pain in my fingers disappeared, so I took another bite, and another until the white fog in my hand was all gone.  Then I gazed at my empty hands. 

What was this?  What in the world was I doing?

I almost wanted to laugh.

Am I crazy?

“Rena…” a quiet voice reached me.  I turned around, seeing Pippa still sitting in her curled position.  Her eyes gazed at me.  Was it fear?  No, not quite. “What’s…what’s going on?” she rasped.

I stared at her for a while, unsure of what to say �" how to explain this to her when I didn’t even fully understand it.  I swallowed saliva. “Did you say that ropes came out of your hands?” I said.  Maybe Pippa was like me.

She gazed up at me, and her hands shook. “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” she said.  She closed her eyes tight, squeezing out more tears. “I don’t know, Rena,” she sobbed.

I stood up and walked to her. “Pip,” I said.  She sniffed and raised her head, tears still running down her face.  I smiled, and I reached out my hand to her. “Let’s go.”