Don't go

My sincere feelings on the night my dad went into the hospital for a heart attack. 11/22/08

I can feel the pain as though I already lost you

I hug you tight

Imprinting your smell

Your voice

And the feeling of your arms around my shoulders

Remembering them forever

They are now the treasure my heart will never forget

And will always hold onto

 

How many years

Days

Minutes

Did I have to spend with you

19 years

6,935 days

9,986,400 minutes

All of it feels like nothing

So many mornings

With a sincere smile and "Good Morning"

So many nights 

Spent covering me and tucking me in tight

 

Yet I'm grasping for something from the darkness

Meaning

Closeness

Happiness

Even for a fight

Or one of the many lessons I found irritating

But there is nothing in the darkness

Only regret, pain, and shame

 

You were always second and even third best in my life

To Friends

Or boys

And technology

I'm shocked at how much time I spent ignoring you

While you were here healthy and happy

 

Don't you hate me Dad?

For favoring friends over you?

For lying to you to meet with boys?

For spending most of time in my room watching tv?

 

Now I feel like I understand the extent of your love

Even with you in hospital far away from me 

"Be strong for me. If you cry, I'll cry with you"

Even though I hurt you

You still loved me

Though I ignored you

You were still happy to see me

Though I disappointed you

You still continued to teach me

How could your heart not break everytime you saw me?

 

When this night is over

And fate rolls it's gruesome dice

Whether you come home again

And I can wrap my arms around your shoulders again

Even if I do forget to spend more time with you

Nothing will be the same again

Author's Note

I wrote this from the heart, out of the fear of loss which I've never felt before. I didn't write it to sound pretty. I wrote whatever came to me. Please don't say anything negatively about this poem. It's very precious to me.

Reviews

[Guardian]

That was absolutely beautiful and it made my stomach twist. There is so much emotion contained in those words and it makes me remember the time my mom spent in the hospital. I loved it, I really did and I know how hard it is to write something like that and share it with others. Thanks for having the courage to do it. ^_^

[Cris Unine]

-__- ..... it made my stomach twist too...

[Wildecat]

A very well layed out poem, very impressed with your work. Well done.

[darkgurl]

How many years
Days
Minutes
Did I have to spend with you
19 years
6,935 days
9,986,400 minutes

I so loved how you have this layed out, this is so wonderful.....Kim

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Every father only wants his children to love him...especially his daughters I think, my daughter and me are very close, this was touching and sad but tender and beautiful. my prayers for his speedy recovery.