The Woman With The Rose Tattoo

This is literally my first ever attempt at free verse, so tear it apart if needs be.

On lonely starlit nights

I often sit and wonder,

of the moments that we shared together.

Silence.

For I long to taste the lips of

the woman with the rose tattoo.

In solace I but listen

to the rain, in all her sorrow.

I feel her hurt and anguish.

Her melancholy whispers

fill my mind.

The woman with the rose tattoo.

In times of peaceful slumber

I but dream.

For I witness all her beauty

but she's much too far to touch.

Slipping through my fingers.

The woman with the rose tattoo.

Author's Note

As it's my first attempt at free verse, rip it up and let me know what it's like.

Reviews

[bobc]

D...for a first attempt, a good effort. Free verse isn't easy despite being 'free'. A couple of things here.

The poem opens with your reflections on a memory, '...I often sit and wonder,/of the moments that we shared together...', past tense and it reads to me as if you are alone right now. But the rest of the poem is in the present tense and reads as if she was there with you. For me, the piece can work better for you if it was in the past tense throughout except for that opening sentence.

Second, repetition is always tempting in poetry but isn't always an effective device. I guess I'm asking you if 'the woman with the rose tattoo.' line needs to be repeated?

Keep at it and keep 'em coming. Welcome and thanx for posting...bobc

[Daniel Parker]

Thank you, means an awful lot. I'll try to make these changes whenever I write freely again!

[s y e]

Bob is good at advice, nothing I can add on to his amazing review but I enjoyed. For a first time it's a great effort and I loved it.

[Daniel Parker]

Thank you! Means an awful lot!

[SyberRose]

I enjoyed reading...nicely done...I don't write a lot of free verse either...
Bob gave you a lot of good advice...Rose:)

[Daniel Parker]

Thank you! I hope to follow it. :)