River

I know a girl who was like a robot.

Her name is River

And she was not a real lady.

She was weak both mentally and emotionally.

Couldn't feel the passing of life.

It was as if the world stood still for her.

Reviews

[x]

Nice write.
So, you had a long conversation with her did you?

[Apathy To Empathy]

It's deep and yet sweet. It's fine the way it ended. Personally, it's perfect, nothing should change about it unless you think so. Your poems draw a picture in a way, and you seem to leave the Reader on his/her own in a way of saying, "Now, you think of a way for it to end. Find a new way." Though others may disagree, it was a very nice peice of writing. Post soon.

[Rohan]

I really loved dis piece. It was very VERY interesting. Ineresting subject also. It was very thought-provoking. But it ended too fast. I wud hav really LOVED it, if it wud hav been bigger.

[Moyo]

I'd have to agree. I feel like I was cut off. I started reading and I was thinking, "Okay, this sounds interesting." And then, BAM! It's over. You need to expand more.

[The Perfectionist]

Okay, now you're just not trying. Your poems of late are little more than introductions. It feels like they should be leading somewhere, but none of them ever do. Take this one for example. You start with an intro to this person, say three things about them, and then drop it. There's no room for thought or growth. This functions, but the lack of substance doesn't do you justice.