The Space of Love's Thoughts

This is about a guy that I have liked for four years straight and how I feel

I space L-O-V-E space Y-O-U

Is that strange?

Many reasons fly to mind as of why.

Can't seem to straighten them all out though.

Tell me: If I gave you a rose

Would you crush the petals in your hand

Or would you say thanks, keep it and remember me often times

When you glance at it without thinking?

The odd thing, is that I know you belong to her

But you still exchange a glance at me

Is that wrong?

Me, I choose to look away...afraid to smile my thoughts

Can't think of anything else

I feel a strong need to say:

I space L-O-V-E space Y-O--U

Reviews

[Chris T.]

I just want to say, we can't grow as writers if everyone always say "aw, I like it. period. it's good." With that said, I thought the first and last lines were clever, and an interesting play on a pretty simple line. Gave the phrase "I love you" an extra dimension, perhaps (without reading too far into it) a glimpse into the way you have to keep those words close to you (if he belongs to someone else).

With that said, a few things to consider. Love is a fascinating topic. We can get very specific, down to the core of how we feel. Why not do that? Why settle on "many things..." instead of showing me what flies to mind? The word "thing" is ambiguous, and leaves the reader slightly detached. I want to feel your pain, your love, through the words. Don't leave me hanging with "things".

You love this kid. Do you really love him? Then don't settle on "smile". Show me the stupid grin that steals across your face every time you catch a glimpse of me. "Show me the love through your words".

A great read overall. I'm just trying to give some positive criticism :D

[OutToLunch]

i really like the topic of this poem. it's very deep, and at times, i felt a stab of pain in my chest.

"The odd thing, is that I know you belong to her

But you still exchange a glance at me

Is that wrong?"

i really felt for that one. i think it's got a couple of mistakes where the sentence doesn't really make sense.

"When you glance at it without thinking?"

maybe that should be: "Would you glance at it without thinking?" maybe? it just feels like a lot less to think through. another is: "Me, I choose to look away...afraid to smile my thoughts" the part where you say:"afraid to smile my thoughts", well that doesn't make sense. you could, however, do it like this;
"Me, I choose to look away...afraid to smile,

my thoughts

Can't think of anything else"

just some tips, good write, keep it up!!!

[unspokenguilt]

Ooh, this is so sweet! I love the emotion and the dreamlike atmosphere...very well done!
:)ear

[fauxcajun]

Letting go is difficult at time, especially when the other person is making eyes at you although he is another woman's man / If I were you I would be very upset at him instead of feeling the way you do / Actually, if I were you I might not do that at all, because I would be you / I hope you can get this straightened out in your thoughts AND heart, it sounds like trouble on the horizon . . .

NOW! I loved the poem / The easy way the lines blend into one another makes me think that you have found your niche in the field of writing . . . Good luck . . .

[Wolfwind Words]

A very relatable piece. Watching from a far as the one of our affection walks a different path. Perhaps it's all supposed to be a way to strengthen us for the long road of life. Or simply is and we walk on, remembering, dreaming of something that might have been.


A great piece of Ink!

Aaron Wolfie Maycroft

[BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE]

What an adorable poem my heart breaks 4u 2not be with the 1 u luv 2c them happy with sum1 else i think ur wonderfully talented writer ur new friend mike from uk

[Glee]

Sometimes its important to put the past behind. I take this from this stanza

"The odd thing, is that I know you belong to her

But you still exchange a glance at me"

Looks to me like this guy is still leading you on even if he knows he is with somebody else. I think you have to let go, but then again that's just my view.

[Xyve rrg]

Me, I choose to look away...afraid to smile my thoughts
...i love the 'smile my thoughts'... it's many things at once

yep, the flow isn't smooth in some parts but i dunno, it's your style and your own expression

haha, i felt what you felt which means you were successful in conveying your emotion!
^_^

[Eldee]

Took me a few times of reading the first line to understand what you were writing- but I blame that on my own tiredness. Interesting poem- it didn't flow well in some areas but the flow of the poem is solely there to suit the author.

"keep it and remember me often times"

I'm not sure that "often times" is the correct term?

Besides a few pauses here and there I like the imagery this poem recalls. If it is a poem of the heart and of memories I apologize for the ridiculous roads life takes us on, but if it is purely a poem of fiction then I congratulate you on an image well created.