The Space of Love's Thoughts

This is about a guy that I have liked for four years straight and how I feel

I space L-O-V-E space Y-O-U

Is that strange?

Many reasons fly to mind as of why.

Can't seem to straighten them all out though.

Tell me: If I gave you a rose

Would you crush the petals in your hand

Or would you say thanks, keep it and remember me often times

When you glance at it without thinking?

The odd thing, is that I know you belong to her

But you still exchange a glance at me

Is that wrong?

Me, I choose to look away...afraid to smile my thoughts

Can't think of anything else

I feel a strong need to say:

I space L-O-V-E space Y-O--U

Reviews

[Chris T.]

I just want to say, we can't grow as writers if everyone always say "aw, I like it. period. it's good." With that said, I thought the first and last lines were clever, and an interesting play on a pretty simple line. Gave the phrase "I love you" an extra dimension, perhaps (without reading too far into it) a glimpse into the way you have to keep those words close to you (if he belongs to someone else).

With that said, a few things to consider. Love is a fascinating topic. We can get very specific, down to the core of how we feel. Why not do that? Why settle on "many things..." instead of showing me what flies to mind? The word "thing" is ambiguous, and leaves the reader slightly detached. I want to feel your pain, your love, through the words. Don't leave me hanging with "things".

You love this kid. Do you really love him? Then don't settle on "smile". Show me the stupid grin that steals across your face every time you catch a glimpse of me. "Show me the love through your words".

A great read overall. I'm just trying to give some positive criticism :D

[David Burke]

this is amazing :) great job lol keep up the great work and beautiful words

[Aaron the Baron]

Some interesting things in this early poem of yours. The first line is very kinetic and probably considered risky, but I like its inclusion!

[bluessadmood]

This is so beautiful and strange in a way..
always loved you ,could give so many reasons ..still never knew why
if i give you my heart will you promise my love,or would you send me away
is it me where you belong for its only you where i could sill live for
for all inside me shouts and cry..i loved you and forever will..
lovely write..

[*~Kristy~*]

Wow... I really liked it... I loved the part about the rose... I could actually imagine two scenes: A man crushing a beautiful white rose in his hand, then crumbling it beneath his clenched fist and it turning red. Then, him throwing it down and glaring... Then the other scene, the same man sitting in a room staring down at the rose laying before him on the bed with sad wistfulness in his eyes... I loved it. It was conveyed very well :)

[Alicante lullaby]

lovely,teenish,........honest and simple.....with a radiant innocence to it...love is sweet and simple ,no need for complex terms.....let it be the way it is...

[West of Everyone]

I liked it...but there was one line that kind of threw me off. "Or would you say thanks, keep it and remember me often times". And I agree with Chris. Show us your heart reason for liking him. Take the very essence of the reason and portray it.

But good job here. Oh, and I love the fact that it doesn't rhyme.

[Deepshikha]

Holy hell! [pardon me..heh.] I've felt the same way about a guy that I've had a love/hate crush on for about three years out. I feel like you've gotten it all out for me. Amazing!
I like your prose-ish feel, but the flow is a little...off...maybe a few less syllables in one line?
But either way, love it. [:

[Disturbed mind]

no more words...just beautiful...great work...